Fantastic article, written ahead-of-its-times, circa 1995; JAI HO THE PURE MIND, PEERLESS ACTION AND POTENT INTELLECT!
alak niranjan!
EPGi!
---------------
Elayne A. Saltzberg and Joan C. Chrisler
Beauty Is the Beast: Psychological Effects of the Pursuit of the Perfect Female Body
Women: A Feminist Perspective edited by Jo Freeman. Fifth Edition.
Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing Company, 1995. 306-315.
Elayne Saltzberg (Daniels) was a postdoctoral clinical psychology fellow at Yale University School of Medicine. Her major interests include body image and eating disorders. She is an eating disorder specialist with a practice in Massachusetts.
Joan C. Chrisler is Professor of Psychology at Connecticut College. She is the author of From Menarche to Menopause: The Female Body in Feminist Therapy (2004) and co-editor of Arming Athena: Career Strategies for Women in Academe (1998) and Charting a New Course for Feminist Psychology (2002).
Saltzberg and Chrisler discuss the ideal of the perfect female body, one that varies across cultures; changes over time; and is impacted by racism, class prejudice, and ableism. Because it is a fluctuating ideal that women strive for and few are able to attain, failure and disappointment are inevitable. Striving to attain the ideal takes its toil on women in the form of physical pain, health problems, medical procedures, costs of beauty products, time and effort, and damaging psychological effects. They argue that there are detrimental consequences for women who fail to reach the ideal: being punished for social transgressions, fired from jobs for being too old and unattractive, and discrimination in hiring and promotion. Saltzberg and Chrisler advocate that women become more aware of the effects on their bodies and their lives of pursuing ideals of the perfect female body.
Ambrose Bierce (1958) once wrote, “To men a man is but a mind. Who cares what face he carries or what he wears? But woman’s body is the woman.” Despite the societal changes achieved since Bierce’s time, his statement remains true. Since the height of the feminist movement in the early 1970s, women have spent more money than ever before on products and treatments designed to make them beautiful. Cosmetic sales have increased annually to reach $18 billion in 1987 (“Ignoring the economy. . . ,” 1989), sales of women’s clothing averaged $103 billion per month in 1990 (personal communication, U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis, 1992), dieting has become a $30-billion-per-year industry (Stoffel, 1989), and women spent $1.2 billion on cosmetic surgery in 1990 (personal communication, American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons, 1992). The importance of beauty has apparently increased even as women are reaching for personal freedoms and economic rights undreamed of by our grandmothers. The emphasis on beauty may be a way to hold onto a feminine image while shedding feminine roles.
Attractiveness is prerequisite for femininity but not for masculinity (Freedman, 1986). The word beauty always refers to the female body. Attractive male bodies are described as “handsome,” a word derived from “hand” that refers as much to action as appearance (Freedman, 1986). Qualities of achievement and strength accompany the term handsome; such attributes are rarely employed in the description of attractive women and certainly do not accompany the term beauty, which refers only to a decorative quality. Men are instrumental; women are ornamental.
Beauty is a most elusive commodity. Ideas of what is beautiful vary across cultures and change over time (Fallon, 1990). Beauty cannot be quantified or objectively measured; it is the result of the judgments of others. The concept is difficult to define, as it is equated with different, sometimes contradictory, ideas. When people are asked to define beauty, they tend to mention abstract, personal qualities rather than external, quantifiable ones (Freedman, 1986; Hatfield & Sprecher, 1986).The beholder’s perceptions and cognitions influence the degree of attractiveness at least as much as do the qualities of the beheld.
Because beauty is an ideal, an absolute, such as truth and goodness, the pursuit of it does not require justification (Herman & Polivy, 1983). An ideal, by definition, can be met by only a minority of those who strive for it. If too many women are able to meet the beauty standards of a particular time and place, then those standards must change in order to maintain their extraordinary nature. The value of beauty standards depends on their being special and unusual and is one of the reasons why the ideal changes over time. When images of beauty change, female bodies are expected to change, too. Different aspects of the female body and varying images of each body part are modified to meet the constantly fluctuating ideal (Freedman, 1986). The ideal is always that which is most difficult to achieve and most unnatural in a given time period. Because these ideals are nearly impossible to achieve, failure and disappointment are inevitable (Freedman, 1988).
Although people have been decorating their bodies since prehistoric times, the Chinese may have been the first to develop the concept that the female body can and should be altered from its natural state. The practice of foot binding clearly illustrates the objectification of parts of the female body as well as the demands placed on women to conform to beauty ideals. The custom called for the binding of the feet of five-year-old girls so that as they grew, their toes became permanently twisted under their arches and would actually shrink in size. The big toe remained untouched. The more tightly bound the feet, the more petite they became and the more attractive they were considered to be (Freedman, 1986; Hatfield & Sprecher, 1986; Lakoff & Scherr, 1984). The painful custom of foot binding finally ended in the twentieth century after women had endured over one thousand years of torture for beauty’s sake (Brain, 1979).
In the sixteenth century, European women bound themselves into corsets of whalebone and hardened canvas. A piece of metal or wood ran down the front to flatten the breasts and abdomen. This garment made it impossible to bend at the waist and difficult to breathe. A farthingale, which was typically worn over the corset, held women’s skirts out from their bodies. It consisted of bent wood held together with tapes and made such simple activities as sitting nearly impossible. Queen Catherine of France introduced waist binding with a tortuous invention consisting of iron bands that minimized the size of the waist to the ideal measurement of thirteen inches (Baker, 1984). In the seventeenth century, the waist was still laced, but breasts were once again stylish, and fashions were designed to enhance them. Ample breasts, hips, and buttocks became the beauty ideal, perhaps paralleling a generally warmer attitude toward family life (Rosenblatt & Stencel, 1982). A white pallor was also popular at that time, probably as an indication that the woman was so affluent that she did not need to work outdoors, where the sun might darken her skin. Ceruse, a white lead-based paint now known to be toxic, was used to accentuate the pallor.
Tight corsets came back into vogue in Europe and North America in the mid-nineteenth century, and many women were willing to run the risk of developing serious health problems in order to wear them. The tight lacing often led to pulmonary disease and internal organ damage. American women disregarded the advice of their physicians, who spoke against the use of corsets because of their potential to displace internal organs. Fainting, or “the vapors,” was the result of wearing such tightly laced clothing that normal breathing became impossible. Even the clergy sermonized against corsets; miscarriages were known to result in pregnant women who insisted on lacing themselves up too tightly. In the late nineteenth century, the beauty ideal required a tiny waist and full hips and bustline. Paradoxically, women would go on diets to gain weight while, at the same time, trying to achieve a smaller waistline. Some women were reported to have had their lower ribs removed so that their waists could be more tightly laced (Brain, 1979).
In the twentieth century, the ideal female body has changed several times, and American women have struggled to change along with it. In the 1920s, the ideal had slender legs and hips, small breasts, and bobbed hair and was physically and socially active. Women removed the stuffing from their bodices and bound their breasts to appear young and boyish. In the 1940s and 1950s, the ideal returned to the hourglass shape. Marilyn Monroe was considered the epitome of the voluptuous and fleshy yet naive and childlike ideal. In the 1960s, the ideal had a youthful, thin, lean body and long, straight hair. American women dieted relentlessly in an attempt to emulate the tall, thin, teenage model Twiggy, who personified the 1960s’ beauty ideal. Even pregnant women were on diets in response to their doctors’ orders not to gain more than twenty pounds, advice physicians later rejected as unsafe (Fallon, 1990). Menopausal women begged their physicians to prescribe hormone replacement therapy, which was rumored to prevent wrinkles and keep the body youthful, and were willing to run any health risk to preserve their appearance (Chrisler, Torrey, & Matthes, 1989). In the 1970s, a thin, tan, sensuous look was “in.” The 1980s’ beauty ideal remained slim but required a more muscular, toned, and physically fit body. In recent decades the beauty ideal has combined such opposite traits as erotic sophistication with naive innocence, delicate grace with muscular athleticism (Freedman, 1988), and thin bodies with large breasts. The pressure to cope with such conflicting demands and to keep up with the continual changes in the ideal female body is highly stressful (Freedman, 1988) and has resulted in a large majority of American women with negative body images (Dworkin & Kerr, 1987; Rosen, Saltzberg, & Srebnik, 1989). Women’s insecurity about their looks has made it easy to convince them that small breasts are a “disease” that require surgical intervention. The sophisticated woman of the 1990s who is willing to accept the significant health risks of breast implants in order to mold her body to fit the beauty ideal has not progressed far beyond her sisters who bound their feet and waists.
The value of beauty depends in part on the high costs of achieving it. Such costs may be physical, temporal, economic, or psychological. Physical costs include the pain of ancient beauty rituals such as foot binding, tatooing, and nose and ear piercing as well as more modern rituals such as wearing pointy-toed, high-heeled shoes, tight jeans, and sleeping with one’s hair in curlers. Side effects of beauty rituals have often been disastrous for women’s health. Tatooing and ear piercing with unsanitary instruments have led to serious, sometimes fatal, infections. Many women have been poisoned by toxic chemicals in cosmetics (e.g., ceruse, arsenic, benzene, and petroleum) and have died from the use of unsafe diet products such as rainbow pills and liquid protein (Schwartz, 1986). The beauty-related disorders anorexia nervosa and bulimia have multiple negative health effects, and side effects of plastic surgery include hemorrhages, scars, and nerve damage. Silicone implants have resulted in breast cancer, autoimmune disease, and the formation of thick scar tissue.
Physical costs of dieting include a constant feeling of hunger that leads to emotional changes, such as irritability; in cases of very low caloric intake, dieters can experience difficulty concentrating, confusion, and even reduced cognitive capacity. The only growing group of smokers in the United States are young women, many of whom report that they smoke to curb their appetites (Sorensen & Pechacek, 1987). High heels cause lower back pain and lead to a variety of podiatric disorders. Furthermore, fashion trends have increased women’s vulnerability in a variety of ways; long hair and dangling earrings have gotten caught in machinery and entangled in clothing and led to injury. High heels and tight skirts prevent women from running from danger. The New York Times fashion reporter Bernadine Morris was alarmed to see in Pierre Cardin’s 1988 summer fashion show tight wraps that prevented the models from moving their arms (Morris, 1988).
Attaining the beauty ideal requires a lot of money. Expensive cosmetics (e.g., makeup, moisturizers, and hair dyes and straighteners) are among the most popular and are thought to be the most effective, even though their ingredients cost the same (and sometimes are the same) as those in less expensive products (Lakoff & Scherr, 1984). Health spas have become fashionable again as vacation spots for the rich and famous, and everyone wants to wear expensive clothing with designer labels. Plastic surgery has become so accepted and so common that, although it’s quite expensive, surgeons advertise their services on television. Surgery is currently performed that can reduce the size of lips, ear lobes, noses, buttocks, thighs, abdomens, and breasts; rebuild a face; remove wrinkles; and add “padding” to almost any body part. Not surprisingly, most plastic surgery patients are women (Hamburger, 1988).
Beauty rituals are time-consuming activities. Jokes about how long women take to get ready for a date are based on the additional tasks women do when getting dressed. It takes time to pluck eyebrows, shave legs, manicure nails, apply makeup, and arrange hair. Women’s clothing is more complicated than men’s, and many more accessories are used. Although all women know that the “transformation from female to feminine is artificial” (Chapkis, 1986, p. 5), we conspire to hide the amount of time and effort it takes, perhaps out of fear that other women don’t need as much time as we do to appear beautiful. A lot of work goes into looking like a “natural” beauty, but that work is not acknowledged by popular culture, and the tools of the trade are kept out of view. Men’s grooming rituals are fewer, take less time, and need not be hidden away. Scenes of men shaving have often been seen on television and in movies and have even been painted by Norman Rockwell. Wendy Chapkis (1986) challenges her readers to “imagine a similar cultural celebration of a woman plucking her eyebrows, shaving her armpits, or waxing her upper lip” (p. 6). Such a scene would be shocking and would remove the aura of mystery that surrounds beautiful women.
Psychological effects of the pursuit of the perfect female body include unhappiness, confusion, misery, and insecurity. Women often believe that if only they had perfect looks, their lives would be perfectly happy; they blame their unhappiness on their bodies. American women have the most negative body image of any culture studied by the Kinsey Institute (Faludi, 1991). Dissatisfaction with their bodies is very common among adolescent girls (Adams & Crossman, 1978; Clifford, 1971; Freedman, 1984), and older women believe that the only way to remain attractive is to prevent the development of any signs of aging. Obsessive concern about body shape and weight have become so common among American women of all ages that they now constitute the norm (Rodin, Silberstein, & Streigel-Moore, 1985). The majority of women in the United States are dieting at any given time. For them, being female means feeling fat and inadequate and living with chronic low self-esteem (Rodin, et al, 1985). Ask any woman what she would like to change about her body and she’ll answer immediately. Ask her what she likes about her body and she’ll have difficulty responding.
Those women who do succeed in matching the ideal thinness expected by modern beauty standards usually do so by exercising frenetically and compulsively, implementing severely restrictive and nutritionally deficient diets, developing bizarre eating habits, and using continuous self-degradation and self-denial. Dieting has become a “cultural requirement” for women (Herman & Polivy, 1983) because the ideal female body has become progressively thinner at the same time that the average female body has become progressively heavier. This cultural requirement remains in place despite the fact that physiology works against weight loss to such an extent that 98 percent of diets fail (Chrisler, 1989; Fitzgerald, 1981). In fact, it is more likely for someone to fully recover from cancer than for an obese person to lose a significant amount of weight and maintain that loss for five years (Brownell, 1982). Yet a recent study (Davies & Furnham, 1986) found that young women rate borderline anorexic bodies as very attractive. Thus, even the thinnest women find it nearly impossible to meet and maintain the beauty ideal.
The social pressure for thinness can be directly linked to the increasing incidence of anorexia nervosa and bulimia among women (Brumberg, 1988; Caskey, 1986). There are presently at least one million Americans with anorexia nervosa, and 95 percent of them are women. Between sixty thousand and 150,000 of them will die as a result of their obsession (Schwartz, 1986). Although cases of anorexia nervosa have been reported in the medical literature for hundreds of years (Bell, 1985), it was considered to be a rare disorder until the 1970s. Today’s anorexics are also thinner than they were in the past (Brumberg, 1988). It is estimated that at least seven million American women will experience symptoms of bulimia at some point in their lives (Hatfield & Sprecher, 1986). A recent study (Hall & Cohn, 1988) found that 25 to 33 percent of female first-year college students were using vomiting after meals as a method of weight control. An accurate estimate of the number of women who are caught in the binge-purge cycle is difficult because women with bulimia are generally secretive about their behavior and the physical signs of bulimia are not nearly as obvious as those of anorexia nervosa.
Exercise has become for many women another manifestation of their body dissatisfaction. Studies have found that most men who exercise regularly do so to build body mass and to increase cardiovascular fitness; most women who exercise do so to lose weight and to change the shape of their bodies in order to increase their attractiveness (Garner, Rockert, Olmstead, Johnson, & Coscina, 1985; Saltzberg, 1990). Exercise has lost its status as a pleasurable activity and become yet another way for women to manipulate their bodies, another vehicle for narcissistic self-torture. Reports of the number of women exercising compulsively are increasing and may become as widespread as compulsive calorie counting and the compulsive eating habits of anorexics and bulimics.
Beauty ideals are created and maintained by society’s elite. Racism, class prejudice, and rejection of the disabled are clearly reflected (Chapkis, 1986) in current American beauty standards. For example, women from lower socioeconomic groups typically weigh more than women in higher socioeconomic groups (Moore, Stunkard, & Srole, 1962); they are thus excluded by popular agreement from being considered beautiful. The high costs of chic clothing, cosmetics, tanning salons, skin and hair treatments, weight loss programs, and plastic surgery prevent most American women from access to the tools necessary to approach the ideal. Furthermore, the beauty standard idealizes Caucasian features and devalues those of other races (Lewis, 1977; Miller, 1969). In recent years, Asian American and African-American women have sought facial surgery in order to come closer to the beauty ideal (Faludi, 1991), and psychotherapists have noted increased reports from their black women clients of guilt, shame, anger, and resentment about skin color, hair texture, facial features, and body size and shape (Greene, 1992; Neal & Wilson, 1989; Okazawa-Rey, Robinson, & Ward, 1987). Obviously, women with visible disabilities will never be judged to have achieved “perfection.” Whoopi Goldberg’s routine about the black teenager who wrapped a towel around her head to pretend it was long, blonde hair and Alice Walker’s (1990) essay about her psychological adjustment after the eye injury that resulted in the development of “hideous” scar tissue provide poignant examples of the pain women experience when they cannot meet beauty standards.
The inordinate emphasis on women’s external selves makes it difficult for us to appreciate our own internal selves (Kano, 1985). The constant struggle to meet the beauty ideal leads to high stress and chronic anxiety. Failure to meet the beauty ideal leads to feelings of frustration, low self-worth, and inadequacy in women whose sense of self is based on their physical appearance. The intensity of the drive to increase attractiveness may also contribute to the high rate of depression among women.
Insecurity is common even among beautiful women, and studies show that they are as likely as their plain sisters to be unhappy about their looks (Freedman, 1988). Beautiful women are all too aware of the fleeting nature of their beauty; the effects of aging must be constantly monitored, and these women worry that the beauty ideal they’ve tried so hard to match may change without warning. When such women lose their beauty due to illness or accidents, they often become depressed and are likely to have difficulty functioning in society and to believe that their entire identity has been threatened.
Given the high costs of striving to be beautiful, why do women attempt it? Attractiveness greatly affects first impressions and later interpersonal relationships. In a classic study titled “What Is Beautiful Is Good,” psychologists Kenneth Dion, Ellen Berscheid, and Elaine Hatfield (Dion, Berscheid, & Walster, 1972) asked college students to rate photographs of strangers on a variety of personal characteristics. Those who were judged to be attractive were also more likely to be rated intelligent, kind, happy, flexible, interesting, confident, sexy, assertive, strong, outgoing, friendly, poised, modest, candid, and successful than those judged unattractive. Teachers rate attractive children more highly on a variety of positive characteristics including IQ and sociability, and attractive babies are cuddled and kissed more often than unattractive babies (Berscheid & Walster, 1974). Attractive people receive more lenient punishment for social transgressions (Dion, 1972; Landy & Aronson, 1969), and attractive women are more often sought out in social situations (Walster, Aronson, Abrahams, & Rottman, 1966; Reis, Nezlek, & Wheeler, 1980).
Furthermore, because unattractive people are more harshly punished for social transgressions and are less often sought after social partners, failure to work toward the beauty ideal can result in real consequences. Television newswoman Christine Craft made the news herself when she was fired for being too old and too unattractive. Street harassers put women “in their place” by commenting loudly on their beauty or lack of it. Beauty norms limit the opportunities of women who can’t or won’t meet them. Obese women, for example, have experienced discrimination in a number of instances including hiring and promotion (Larkin & Pines, 1979; Rothblum, Miller, & Gorbutt, 1988) and college admissions (Canning & Mayer, 1966). Obese people even have a harder time finding a place to live; Lambros Karris (1977) found that landlords are less likely to rent to obese people. Even physicians view their obese patients negatively (Maddox & Liederman, 1969).
There is considerable evidence that women’s attractiveness is judged more harshly than men’s. Christine Craft was fired, yet David Brinkley and Willard Scott continue to work on major television news shows; their abilities are not thought to be affected by age or attractiveness. Several studies (Adams & Huston, 1975; Berman, O’Nan, & Floyd, 1981; Deutsch, Zalenski, & Clark, 1986; Wernick & Manaster, 1984) that asked participants to rate the attractiveness of photographs of people of varying ages found that although attractiveness ratings of both men and women decline with age, the rate of decline for women was greater. In one study (Deutsch, Zalenski, & Clark, 1986), participants were asked to rate the photographs for femininity and masculinity as well as attractiveness. The researchers found that both the attractiveness and femininity ratings of the female photographs diminished with age; the masculinity ratings were unaffected by the age or attractiveness of the photographs. Women are acutely aware of the double standard of attractiveness. At all ages women are more concerned than men about weight and physical appearance and have lower appearance self-esteem; women who define themselves as feminine are the most concerned about their appearance and have the lowest self-esteem (Pliner, Chaiken, & Flett, 1990). In fact, women are so concerned about their body size that they typically overestimate it. Women who overestimate their size feel worse about themselves, whereas men’s self-esteem is unrelated to their body size estimates (Thompson, 1986). In a review of research on the stigma of obesity, Esther Rothblum (1992) concluded that the dieting industry, combined with Western attitudes toward weight and attractiveness, causes more pain and problems for women than for men.
Thus, the emphasis on beauty has political as well as psychological consequences for women, as it results in oppression and disempowerment. It is important for women to examine the effects that the pursuit of the perfect female body has had on their lives, challenge their beliefs, and take a stand against continued enslavement to the elusive beauty ideal. Women would then be able to live life more freely and experience the world more genuinely. Each woman must decide for herself what beauty really is and the extent to which she is willing to go to look attractive. Only a more diverse view of beauty and a widespread rebellion against fashion extremes will save us from further physical and psychological tolls.
Imagine an American society where the quality and meaning of life for women are not dependent on the silence of bodily shame. Imagine a society where bodies are decorated for fun and to express creativity rather than for self-control and self-worth. Imagine what would happen if the world’s women released and liberated all of the energy that had been absorbed in the beautification process. The result might be the positive, affirming, healthy version of a nuclear explosion!
Author’s Note
The authors thank Jo Freeman, Sue Wilkinson, and Paulette Leonard for their helpful comments on an earlier version of this paper and Barbara Weber for locating the business and industry statistics.
References
Adams, Gerald R., & Crossman, Sharyn M. (1978). Physical attractiveness: A cultural imperative. New York: Libra.
Adams, Gerald R., & Huston, Ted L. (1975). Social perception of middle-aged persons varying in physical attractiveness. Developmental Psychology, 11, 657-58.
Baker, Nancy C. (1984). The beauty trap: Exploring woman’s greatest obsession. New York: Franklin Watts.
Bell, Rudolph M. (1985). Holy anorexia. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Berman, Phyllis W., O’Nan, Barbara A., & Floyd, Wayne. (1981). The double standard of aging and the social situation: Judgments of attractiveness of the middle-aged woman. Sex Roles, 7, 87-96.
Berscheid, Ellen, & Walster, Elaine. (1974). Physical attractiveness. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 7, 158-215.
Bierce, Ambrose. (1958). The devil’s dictionary. New York: Dover.
Brain, R. (1979). The decorated body. New York: Harper & Row,
Brownell, Kelly. (1982). Obesity: Understanding and treating a serious, prevalent, and refractory disorder. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 55, 889-97.
Brumberg, Joan J. (1988). Fasting girls. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
Canning, H., & Mayer, J. (1966). Obesity: An influence on high school performance. Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 20, 352-54.
Caskey, Noelle. (1986). Interpreting anorexia nervosa. In Susan R. Suleiman (Ed.), The female body in western culture (pp. 175-89). Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
Chapkis, Wendy. (1986). Beauty secrets: Women and the politics of appearance. Boston: South End Press.
Chrisler, Joan C. (1989). Should feminist therapists do weight loss counseling? Women & Therapy, 8(3), 31-37.
Chrisler, Joan C.,Torrey, Jane W., & Matthes, Michelle. (1989, June). Brittle bones and sagging breasts, loss of femininity and loss of sanity: The media describe the menopause. Paper presented at the meeting of the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research, Salt Lake City, UT.
Clifford, Edward. (1971). Body satisfaction in adolescence. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 33, 119-25.
Davies, Elizabeth, & Furnham, Adrian. (1986). The dieting and body shape concerns of adolescent females. Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 21, 417-28.
Deutsch, Francine M., Zalenski, Carla M., & Clark, Mary E. (1986). Is there a double standard of aging? Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 16, 771-85.
Dion, Kenneth K. (1972). Physical attractiveness and evaluation of children’s transgressions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 24, 285-90.
Dion, Kenneth, Berscheid, Ellen, & Walster [Hatfield], Elaine. (1972). What is beautiful is good. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 24, 285-90.
Dworkin, Sari H., & Kerr, Barbara A. (1987). Comparison of interventions for women experiencing body image problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 34, 136-40.
Fallon, April. (1990). Culture in the mirror: Sociocultural determinants of body image. In Thomas Cash & Thomas Pruzinsky (Eds.), Body images: Development, deviance, and change (pp. 80-109). New York: Guilford Press.
Faludi, Susan. (1991). Backlash: The undeclared war against American women. New York: Crown Publishers.
Fitzgerald, Faith T. (1981). The problem of obesity. Annual Review of Medicine, 32, 221-31.
Freedman, Rita. (1984). Reflections on beauty as it relates to health in adolescent females. In Sharon Golub (Ed.), Health care of the female adolescent (pp. 29-45). New York: Haworth Press.
Freedman, Rita. (1986). Beauty bound. Lexington, MA: D. C. Heath.
Freedman, Rita. (1988). Bodylove: Learning to like our looks -- and ourselves. New York: Harper & Row.
Garner, David M., Rockert, Wendy, Olmstead, Marion P., Johnson, C, & Coscina, D. V. (1985). Psychoeducational principles in the treatment of bulimia and anorexia nervosa. In David M. Garner & Paul E. Garfinkel (Eds.), Handbook of psychotherapy for anorexia nervosa and bulimia (pp. 513-62). New York: Guilford.
Greene, Beverly. (1992). Still here: A perspective on psychotherapy with African American women. In Joan C. Chrisler & Doris Howard (Eds.), New directions in feminist psychology: Practice, theory, and research (pp. 13-25). New York: Springer.
Hall, L., & Cohn, L. (1988). Bulimia: A guide to recovery Carlsbad, CA: Gurze Books.
Hamburger, A. C. (1988, May). Beauty quest. Psychology Today, 22, 28-32. Hatfield, Elaine, & Sprecher, Susan. (1986). Mirror, mirror: The importance of looks in everyday life. Albany: State University of New York Press.
Herman, Peter, & Polivy, Janet. (1983). Breaking the diet habit. New York: Basic Books.
Ignoring the economy, cosmetic firms look to growth. (1989, July 13). Standard and Poor’s Industry Surveys, 1, 37-38.
Kano, Susan. (1985). Making peace with food: A step-by-step guide to freedom from diet/weight conflict. Danbury, CT: Amity.
Karris, Lambros. (1977). Prejudice against obese renters. Journal of Social Psychology, 101, 159-60.
Lakoff, Robin T., & Scherr, Raquel L. (1984). Face value: The politics of beauty. Boston: Routledge & Kegan Paul.
Landy, David, & Aronson, Elliot. (1969). The influence of the character of the criminal and his victim on the decisions of simulated jurors. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 5, 141-52.
Larkin, Judith, & Pines, Harvey. (1979). No fat person need apply. Sociology of Work and Occupations, 6, 312-27.
Lewis, Diane K. (1977). A response to inequality: Black women, racism, and sexism. Signs, 3(2), 339-61.
Maddox, G., & Liederman, V. (1969). Overweight as a social disability with medical implications. Journal of Medical Education, 44, 214-20.
Miller, E. (1969). Body image, physical beauty, and color among Jamaican adolescents. Social and Economic Studies, 18(1), 72-89.
Moore, M. E., Stunkard, Albert, & Srole, L. (1962). Obesity, social class, and mental illness. Journal of the American Medical Association, 181, 138-42.
Morris, Bernardine. (1988, July 26). Paris couture: Opulence lights a serious mood. New York Times, p. B8.
Neal, Angela, & Wilson, Midge. (1989). The role of skin color and features in the black community: Implications for black women and therapy. Clinical Psychology Review, 9, 323-33.
Okazawa-Rey, Margo, Robinson, Tracy, & Ward, Janie V. (1987). Black women and the politics of skin color and hair. Women & Therapy, 6(1/2), 89-102.
Pliner, Patricia, Chaiken, Shelly, & Flett, Gordon L. (1990). Gender differences in concern with body weight and physical appearance over the life span. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 16, 263-73.
Reis, Harry T., Nezlek, John, & Wheeler, Ladd. (1980). Physical attractiveness in social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 38, 604-17.
Rodin, Judith, Silberstein, Lisa, & Streigel-Moore, Ruth. (1985). Women and weight: A normative discontent. In Theo B. Sonderegger (Ed.), Nebraska symposium on motivation: Psychology and gender (pp. 267-307). Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press.
Rosen, James C, Saltzberg, Elayne A., & Srebnik, Debra. (1989). Cognitive behavior therapy for negative body image. Behavior Therapy, 20, 393-404.
Rosenblatt, J., & Stencel, S. (1982). Weight control: A national obsession. Washington, DC: Congressional Quarterly.
Rothblum, Esther D. (1992). The stigma of women’s weight: Social and economic realities. Feminism & Psychology, 2(1), 61-73.
Rothblum, Esther D., Miller, Carol, & Gorbutt, Barbara. (1988). Stereotypes of obese female job applicants. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 7, 277-83.
Saltzberg, Elayne A. (1990). Exercise participation and its correlates to body awareness and self-esteem. Unpublished master’s thesis, Connecticut College, New London, CT.
Schwartz, Hillel. (1986). Never satisfied: A cultural history of diets, fantasies, and fat. New York: Free Press.
Sorensen, Gloria, & Pechacek, Terry F. (1987). Attitudes toward smoking cessation among men and women. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 10, 129-38.
Stoffel, Jennifer. (1989, November 26). What’s new in weight control: A market mushrooms as motivations change. New York Times, p. C17.
Thompson, J. Kevin. (1986, April). Larger than life. Psychology Today, pp. 41-44.
Walker, Alice. (1990). Beauty: When the other dancer is the self. In Evelyn C. White (Ed.), The black women’s health book: Speaking for ourselves (pp. 280-87). Seattle: Seal Press.
Walster, Elaine, Aronson, Vera, Abrahams, Darcy, & Rottman, Leon. (1966). Importance of physical attractiveness in dating behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 4, 508-16.
Wernick, Mark, & Manaster, Guy J. (1984). Age and the perception of age and attractiveness. Gerontologist, 24, 408-14.
Williams, Juanita H. (1985). Psychology of women: Behavior in a biosocial context. New York: Norton.
Notes
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
What others say : Post 6 : You will like this, short but sweet article on self-esteem!
The Importance of Self-Esteem
"I broke up with my girlfriend last week. She kept saying that she loved me. I thought there must be something wrong with her. How could anyone love somebody like me?"
"Everybody thinks that I'm happy-go-lucky. I put on a false front. I pretend that I haven't got a care in the world. But inside, I feel empty."
"I can't stand success. I get a job. Things are going well. I'm making money. I can get some of the things I want. But then I start feeling anxious. So I go get a bottle and start drinking. Pretty soon, I lose the job. But I don't feel scared anymore."
Through our experience with the world, we human beings, children and adults, form concepts of causal relationships. We become aware of the potentialities and capabilities of things in the world. For example, we learn that we can, with a finger, penetrate the surface of water, but not the surface of a wooden table, that wet snow sticks to itself and makes good snowballs, but dry snow does not, etc. We learn that the neighbor's dog will play fetch the stick for as long as we will throw it. We develop expectations about the behavior of other persons. We learn, for example, that our grandmother cooks our favorite foods when we visit, that our mother gets angry if we track mud into the house, that our best friend is competitive in games, that our teacher is a "neatness freak," etc.
Just as we form concepts regarding the behavior of inanimate objects, animals, and other human beings, we all form a concept of ourselves, of what we are like, of how we will react in various situations. As we make choices and decisions throughout our life, as we think or fail to think in situations where thought is required, as we act according to our judgement, or fail to, in moments of decision, we acquire a certain sense of self, which is the cumulative product of the kind of choices and decisions we have made. These behaviors add up to our self-concept and to our self-evaluation. The concept we form of ourselves, stated positively, is our self-esteem. Self-esteem is the "reputation" a person gets with himself or herself. As defined by psychologist Nathaniel Branden, who is sometimes referred to as "the father of the self-esteem movement," the concept of self-esteem includes two important components: a sense of self-confidence or efficacy and a sense of self-respect or worthiness.
Efficacy
As our minds process the data coming in from the outside and guide us through our physical and social environment, we can experience an inner state of being in control, of efficacy, of an ability to assimilate and handle the incoming data and to appropriately direct ourselves through the environment; or, we can experience a sense of helplessness, of inefficacy, of powerlessness, a sense of being overwhelmed. As children, we encounter these two states very early. It is in our nature as living organisms that we value feelings of efficacy and disvalue feelings of helplessness. In part, this is because feelings of helplessness are often associated with physical or psychological pain, while feelings of efficacy and control are associated with pleasure or at least lack of pain.
Worthiness
As we learn about the world and ourselves, we come to expect that certain types of actions will have certain types of consequences. If we habitually behave in ways that we know to be consistent with reality, life-enhancing, and true to our moral principles, we expect that the consequences of our actions will be positive. We feel worthy. We "deserve" to be happy. On the other hand, if we behave in ways that are contrary to our knowledge of reality, self-destructive, and/or in violation of our moral principles, we experience negative consequences. We feel inappropriate to life. We feel that we don't deserve to be happy.
Self-esteem is the experience of feeling and knowing that we are competent to live and worthy of living and being happy.
What Self-Esteem Is Not
Genuine self-esteem is not primarily dependent upon the approval of other persons in one's social environment. While it is indeed desirable to have the realistic good opinions of others, no one can give us self-esteem except ourselves. The person who ties his self-esteem to the approval of others is already handicapped in self-esteem and is constantly in jeopardy of further loss of self-esteem.
Contrary to what one sometimes hears or reads, self-esteem is not just a synonym for any positive feeling about oneself. Thus, self-esteem is not egotism, arrogance, conceitedness, narcissism, or a desire to feel superior to others. Indeed, these attitudes betray a lack of genuine self-esteem. Self-esteem is not the euphoria that might be temporarily induced by a job promotion or a new love affair. In fact, if one feels incompetent to handle the job or unworthy of love, these experiences can be a challenge to an already impaired sense of self-esteem. One can feel like an "imposter," who might be "found out" at any moment.
The Importance of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is one of our most basic psychological needs. The degree of our self-esteem (or lack of it) impacts every major aspect of our lives. It has profound effects on our thinking processes, emotions, desires, values, choices, and goals. Deficits in self-esteem contribute to virtually all psychological problems. And psychological problems lead to lowered self-esteem. It is a reciprocal relationship.
To Learn More
If you would like to learn more about self-esteem, we highly recommend the books written by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, several of which are listed at the end of this article.
The psychologists at the Center for Conscious Living are aware of the profound importance of self-acceptance and self-esteem to psychological well-being. They are skilled in the use of specific therapeutic techniques designed to enhance self-esteem. Whatever life problem you may be experiencing, enhancing your self-esteem will help you to cope more effectively.
Suggested Readings
Branden, Nathaniel. The Psychology of Self-Esteem: A New Concept of Man's Psychological Nature. E. P. Dutton, 1969.
Branden, Nathaniel. The Disowned Self. Bantam Books, 1989.
Branden, Nathaniel. Honoring the Self: The Psychology of Confidence and Respect. Bantam Books, 1985.
Branden, Nathaniel. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Bantam Books, 1995.
Branden, Nathaniel. The Art of Living Consciously. Simon and Schuster, 1997
"I broke up with my girlfriend last week. She kept saying that she loved me. I thought there must be something wrong with her. How could anyone love somebody like me?"
"Everybody thinks that I'm happy-go-lucky. I put on a false front. I pretend that I haven't got a care in the world. But inside, I feel empty."
"I can't stand success. I get a job. Things are going well. I'm making money. I can get some of the things I want. But then I start feeling anxious. So I go get a bottle and start drinking. Pretty soon, I lose the job. But I don't feel scared anymore."
Through our experience with the world, we human beings, children and adults, form concepts of causal relationships. We become aware of the potentialities and capabilities of things in the world. For example, we learn that we can, with a finger, penetrate the surface of water, but not the surface of a wooden table, that wet snow sticks to itself and makes good snowballs, but dry snow does not, etc. We learn that the neighbor's dog will play fetch the stick for as long as we will throw it. We develop expectations about the behavior of other persons. We learn, for example, that our grandmother cooks our favorite foods when we visit, that our mother gets angry if we track mud into the house, that our best friend is competitive in games, that our teacher is a "neatness freak," etc.
Just as we form concepts regarding the behavior of inanimate objects, animals, and other human beings, we all form a concept of ourselves, of what we are like, of how we will react in various situations. As we make choices and decisions throughout our life, as we think or fail to think in situations where thought is required, as we act according to our judgement, or fail to, in moments of decision, we acquire a certain sense of self, which is the cumulative product of the kind of choices and decisions we have made. These behaviors add up to our self-concept and to our self-evaluation. The concept we form of ourselves, stated positively, is our self-esteem. Self-esteem is the "reputation" a person gets with himself or herself. As defined by psychologist Nathaniel Branden, who is sometimes referred to as "the father of the self-esteem movement," the concept of self-esteem includes two important components: a sense of self-confidence or efficacy and a sense of self-respect or worthiness.
Efficacy
As our minds process the data coming in from the outside and guide us through our physical and social environment, we can experience an inner state of being in control, of efficacy, of an ability to assimilate and handle the incoming data and to appropriately direct ourselves through the environment; or, we can experience a sense of helplessness, of inefficacy, of powerlessness, a sense of being overwhelmed. As children, we encounter these two states very early. It is in our nature as living organisms that we value feelings of efficacy and disvalue feelings of helplessness. In part, this is because feelings of helplessness are often associated with physical or psychological pain, while feelings of efficacy and control are associated with pleasure or at least lack of pain.
Worthiness
As we learn about the world and ourselves, we come to expect that certain types of actions will have certain types of consequences. If we habitually behave in ways that we know to be consistent with reality, life-enhancing, and true to our moral principles, we expect that the consequences of our actions will be positive. We feel worthy. We "deserve" to be happy. On the other hand, if we behave in ways that are contrary to our knowledge of reality, self-destructive, and/or in violation of our moral principles, we experience negative consequences. We feel inappropriate to life. We feel that we don't deserve to be happy.
Self-esteem is the experience of feeling and knowing that we are competent to live and worthy of living and being happy.
What Self-Esteem Is Not
Genuine self-esteem is not primarily dependent upon the approval of other persons in one's social environment. While it is indeed desirable to have the realistic good opinions of others, no one can give us self-esteem except ourselves. The person who ties his self-esteem to the approval of others is already handicapped in self-esteem and is constantly in jeopardy of further loss of self-esteem.
Contrary to what one sometimes hears or reads, self-esteem is not just a synonym for any positive feeling about oneself. Thus, self-esteem is not egotism, arrogance, conceitedness, narcissism, or a desire to feel superior to others. Indeed, these attitudes betray a lack of genuine self-esteem. Self-esteem is not the euphoria that might be temporarily induced by a job promotion or a new love affair. In fact, if one feels incompetent to handle the job or unworthy of love, these experiences can be a challenge to an already impaired sense of self-esteem. One can feel like an "imposter," who might be "found out" at any moment.
The Importance of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is one of our most basic psychological needs. The degree of our self-esteem (or lack of it) impacts every major aspect of our lives. It has profound effects on our thinking processes, emotions, desires, values, choices, and goals. Deficits in self-esteem contribute to virtually all psychological problems. And psychological problems lead to lowered self-esteem. It is a reciprocal relationship.
To Learn More
If you would like to learn more about self-esteem, we highly recommend the books written by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, several of which are listed at the end of this article.
The psychologists at the Center for Conscious Living are aware of the profound importance of self-acceptance and self-esteem to psychological well-being. They are skilled in the use of specific therapeutic techniques designed to enhance self-esteem. Whatever life problem you may be experiencing, enhancing your self-esteem will help you to cope more effectively.
Suggested Readings
Branden, Nathaniel. The Psychology of Self-Esteem: A New Concept of Man's Psychological Nature. E. P. Dutton, 1969.
Branden, Nathaniel. The Disowned Self. Bantam Books, 1989.
Branden, Nathaniel. Honoring the Self: The Psychology of Confidence and Respect. Bantam Books, 1985.
Branden, Nathaniel. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Bantam Books, 1995.
Branden, Nathaniel. The Art of Living Consciously. Simon and Schuster, 1997
What others say : Post 5 : Pornography's effects on adults and children, by Victor B. Cline
GI's preface : only confirms/validates professionally what i Have instinctively felt all along; when you feel uneasy about such material (feel like looking over your shoulder, even when alone!!) certainly your inner voice is giving you a signal, that it is not an acceptable thing; but how many can make use of the vivekam at that moment, to SNAP OUT OF IT!
Jai ho, to the strong-minded! tanhai aur loneliness seh bhi lenge, magar not 'lowering themselves' in their own eyes, or losing self-esteem.
Okay, the onslaught of the internet sites is such, that a pop-up may lead one to an obsence viewing; what matters is how one responds, to such inadvertent 'clicks', does one make a conscious effort to stay true to one's instincts or just goes with the adrenalin flow and gets 'hooked' or addicted!
JAI HO TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE COMMITTED, SILENTLY OR VOCIFEROUSLY; INVIDUALLY OR COLLECTIVELY TO FIGHTING THIS 'PRURIENT' MENACE, FACING ALL OF MANKIND!
Let us strive to maintain the continual betterment spirit FOR HUMANITY'S SAKE/SAKE OF CIVILIZED EXISTENCE. otherwise, the civilized beasts would just take us back to the days of roman orgies and brutal bestiality!
JAI HO TO THE POWER OF DISCRETION/VIVEKAM, which will ensure that though all of us are vulnerable/exposed to this threat, we WON'T GET ADDICTED/AFFECTED/AFFLICTED BY IT!
PYAAR KI JEET HO, NAAKI HAWAS KI!
ting, ting, ti ding!
ganesh.
----------
wonderful analysis, albeit long one. read it for its full logical impact! jai ho!
----------
Pornography's Effects on Adults and Children
By VICTOR B. CLINE, Ph.D.,
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Salt Lake City, Utah
About the Author
Victor B. Cline earned his Ph.D. at the University of California, Berkeley and is presently a psychotherapist specializing in family/marital counseling and sexual addictions. He is also Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Utah, Salt Lake City, president of Marriage and Family Enrichment (a nationwide seminar group) and author/editor of numerous scientific articles and books, including the book, Where Do You Draw the Line? Explorations in Media Violence, Pornography, and Censorship.
Note: This is an abridged version of Dr. Cline's article. The entire unabridged version is available in monograph form from Morality in Media, 475 Riverside Drive, Suite 239, New York, NY 10115. For more information, please go to the descriptions and price sheet and the order blank on the MIM Web site.
1. What are Pornography and Obscenity?
Whether pornography has any significant harmful effects on consumers continues to be a controversial issue, not only for average citizens but also for behavioral scientists. This is not surprising in the light of the fact that two national commissions .the Majority Report of the 1970 Presidential Commission on Obscenity and Pornography and the 1986 Attorney General's Commission on Pornography .came to diametrically opposed conclusions about this matter.
Some social commentators claim that pornography is mainly a form of entertainment, possibly educational, sometimes sexually arousing, but essentially harmless. Or, they claim, at the very least, that there is no good scientific evidence of harm. Other social commentators claim more dire consequences and give as examples recent cases, played up by the media, of sex-murderers who have claimed that pornography "made them do it."
To ascertain something about pornography's effects, we first need to define it. The word "pornography" comes from the Greek words "porno" and "graphia" meaning "depictions of the activities of whores." In common parlance, it usually means, "material that is sexually explicit and intended primarily for the purpose of sexual arousal."
"Obscenity," however, is a legal term which was defined by the U.S. Supreme Court in its 1973 Miller v. California decision. For something to be found obscene, and therefore unprotected by the First Amendment, a judge or jury representing a cross section of the community must determine if the material:
Taken as a whole, appeals to a prurient (sick, morbid, shameful, or lascivious) interest in sex;
Depicts sexual conduct in a patently offensive manner (i.e., goes beyond contemporary community standards with regards to depictions of sexual conduct or activity); and
Taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, and scientific value.
The material has to meet all three tests before it can be found obscene in the eyes of the law and its distribution prohibited. This means that something could be regarded as "pornographic" but still not be obscene, such as an explicit sex film produced and used to teach medical students about human sexuality, or a film or book with serious artistic and/or literary value which has some explicit sexual content.
Thus, the Supreme Court has protected a wide variety of sexual matter in movies, books, magazines, and in other formats from being prohibited for sale and exhibition to adults (there is a stricter standard with respect to minors). Under the Miller test, however, the distribution of pornographic material which is obscene, such as most of what can be called "hardcore," can be prohibited and penalties proscribed.
The distribution of obscenity is prohibited on the federal level and on the state level in over 40 states. While the enforcement of obscenity laws increased after the Attorney General's Commission issued its "Final Report" in 1986, particularly at the federal level, enforcement is at best sporadic in many parts of the nation.
This lack of enforcement, especially at the state and local levels, may be attributable, in part, to the view of many people and, in particular, public officials that pornography is essentially harmless or, at the least, that there is little or no real evidence of harm.
2. EFFECTS ON ADULTS
In reviewing the literature on the effects of pornography, there is a variety of evidence suggesting risk and the possibility of harm from being immersed in repeated exposure to pornography. These data come primarily from three sources:
Clinical case history data
Field studies
Experimental laboratory type studies
As a clinical psychologist, I have treated, over the years, approximately 350 sex addicts, sex offenders, or other individuals (96% male) with sexual illnesses. This includes many types of unwanted compulsive sexual acting-out, plus such things as child molestation, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadomasochism, fetishism, and rape. With several exceptions, pornography has been a major or minor contributor or facilitator in the acquisition of their deviation or sexual addiction.
FIRST STEP - ADDICTION
The first change that happened was an addiction-effect. The porn-consumers got hooked. Once involved in pornographic materials, they kept coming back for more and still more. The material seemed to provide a very powerful sexual stimulant or aphrodisiac effect, followed by sexual release, most often through masturbation. The pornography provided very exciting and powerful imagery which they frequently recalled to mind and elaborated on in their fantasies.
Once addicted, they could not throw off their dependence on the material by themselves, despite many negative consequences such as divorce, loss of family, and problems with the law (such as sexual assault, harassment or abuse of fellow employees).
I also found, anecdotally, that many of my most intelligent male patients appeared to be most vulnerable .perhaps because they had a greater capacity to fantasize, which heightened the intensity of the experience and made them more susceptible to being conditioned into an addiction.
One of my patients was so deeply addicted that he could not stay away from pornography for 90 days, even for $1,000. It is difficult for non-addicts to comprehend the totally driven nature of a sex addict. When the "wave" hits them, nothing can stand in the way of getting what they want, whether that be pornography accompanied by masturbation, sex from a prostitute, molesting a child, or raping a woman. These men are consumed by their appetite, regardless of the cost or consequences. Their addiction virtually rules their lives.
SECOND STEP - ESCALATION
The second phase was an escalation-effect. With the passage of time, the addicted person required rougher, more explicit, more deviant, and "kinky" kinds of sexual material to get their "highs" and "sexual turn-ons." It was reminiscent of individuals afflicted with drug addictions. Over time there is nearly always an increasing need for more of the stimulant to get the same initial effect.
Being married or in a relationship with a willing sexual partner did not solve their problem. Their addiction and escalation were mainly due to the powerful sexual imagery in their minds, implanted there by the exposure to pornography.
I have had a number of couple-clients where the wife tearfully reported that her husband preferred to masturbate to pornography than to make love to her.
THIRD PHASE - DESENSITIZATION
The third phase was desensitization. Material (in books, magazines, or films/videos) which was originally perceived as shocking, taboo-breaking, illegal, repulsive, or immoral, in time came to be seen as acceptable and commonplace. The sexual activity depicted in the pornography (no matter how anti-social or deviant) became legitimized. There was an increasing sense that "everybody does it" and this gave them permission to also do it, even though the activity was possibly illegal and contrary to their previous moral beliefs and personal standards.
FOURTH PHASE - ACTING OUT SEXUALLY
The fourth phase was an increasing tendency to act out sexually the behaviors viewed in the pornography, including compulsive promiscuity, exhibitionism, group sex, voyeurism, frequenting massage parlors, having sex with minor children, rape, and inflicting pain on themselves or a partner during sex. This behavior frequently grew into a sexual addiction which they found themselves locked into and unable to change or reverse .no matter what the negative consequences were in their life.
Many examples of the negative effects of pornography-use come from the private or clinical practice of psychotherapists, physicians, counselors, attorneys, and ministers. Here we come face to face with real people who are in some kind of significant trouble or pain. One example from my practice might illustrate this.
I was asked to consult on a case where a Phoenix-Tucson area professional person, president of his firm and head of his church's committee on helping troubled children, was found to be a serial rapist who had violently raped a number of women at gun- or knife-point in the Arizona area. In doing the background study on him, I found him to come from an exemplary background and trouble-free childhood. He was an outstanding student in high school and college.
His wife, children, business and church associates had not the slightest inkling of his double life or dark side. The only significant negative factor in his life was an early adolescent addiction to pornography which, for the most part, was kept secret from others. This gradually escalated over a period of years, eventually leading to spending many hours and incurring great expense at "adult" bookstores, looking at violent video-porn movies and masturbating to these.
His first rape was triggered by seeing a close resemblance in the woman he assaulted to the leading character in a porn movie he had seen earlier in the day. Reality and fantasy had become extremely blurred for him as he acted out his pathological sexual fantasies.
In my clinical experience, however, the major consequence of being addicted to pornography is not the probability or possibility of committing a serious sex crime (though this can and does occur), but rather the disturbance of the fragile bonds of intimate family and marital relationships. This is where the most grievous pain, damage, and sorrow occur. There is repeatedly an interference with or even destruction of healthy love and sexual relationships with long-term bonded partners. If one asks if porn is responsible or causes any sex crimes, the answer is unequivocally, "Yes," but that is only the tip of the iceberg.
SEXUAL DEVIATIONS ARE LEARNED BEHAVIORS
The best evidence to date suggests that most or all sexual deviations are learned behaviors, usually through inadvertent or accidental conditioning. There is no convincing evidence to date, suggesting the hereditary transmission of any pathological sexual behavior pattern such as rape, incest, pedophilia, exhibitionism, or promiscuity.
As McGuire explains, as a man repeatedly masturbates to a vivid sexual fantasy as his exclusive outlet (introduced by a real life experience or possibly pornography), the pleasurable experiences endow the deviant fantasy (rape, molesting children, injuring one's partner while having sex, etc.) with increasing erotic value. The orgasm experienced then provides the critical reinforcing event for the conditioning of the fantasy preceding or accompanying the act. (McGuire, R.J., et al., "Sexual Deviation as Conditioned Behavior," Behavior Research and Therapy, 1965, vol 2, p. 185).
In my experience as a sexual therapist, any individual who regularly masturbates to pornography is at risk of becoming, in time, a sexual addict, as well as conditioning himself into having a sexual deviancy and/or disturbing a bonded relationship with a spouse or girlfriend. A frequent side effect is that it also dramatically reduces their capacity to love. Their sexual side becomes, in a sense, dehumanized. Many of them develop an "alien ego state" (or dark side), whose core is antisocial lust devoid of most values.
It makes no difference if one is an eminent physician, attorney, minister, athlete, corporate executive, college president, unskilled laborer, or an average 15-year-old boy. All can be conditioned into deviancy.
THE EFFECTS OF AGGRESSIVE PORNOGRAPHY (PORNO-VIOLENCE)
In recent years, there has been a considerable body of research on aggressive pornography, much of it found in "hard R-rated" films. Many of these films are also shown unedited on cable TV and later are available to children in nearly every video store in America. The typical film shows nude females, or females in sexually arousing situations and postures, being raped, tortured, or murdered.
The results of this research suggest the possibility of conditioning viewers into associating sexual arousal with inflicting injury, rape, humiliation, or torture on females. Where these films are available on videotapes (which most are), these can be repeatedly viewed in the privacy of one's residence and masturbated to, with the associated risks of negative or antisocial conditioning and behavior, as previously noted.
The literature on aggressive pornography is rather impressive in its consistency in suggesting a variety of harms or possibility of antisocial outcomes from exposure to this material. This should not be surprising after 40 years of research on film and TV violence arriving essentially at the same conclusion.
In a study by Mills College sociologist Diana Russell, it was found that the depiction and dissemination of the "rape myth" (i.e., that most women really enjoy having sex forced upon them) were significant elements in reducing inhibitions to the use of violence, habituating both males and females to the idea of rape and also accepting sexual aberrance as "normal" behavior. She also found that once the seeds of deviant behavior were planted in the male fantasy, the men were inclined to act out their fantasies. She found that both the fantasies were acted out, as well as the mere conceptualization of deviant fantasies as viable behaviors, led to considerable conflict and suffering on the part of both males and females, particularly in sexual relationships with their intimate partners. (Russell, Diana, Rape and Marriage, Beverly Hills, Calif.: Sage, 1982).
THE EFFECTS OF NON-VIOLENT PORNOGRAPHY
The issue which has caught the attention of some behavioral scientists is whether it is the violence or the sex that is doing most of the "harm" when it is fused together in so-called aggressive pornography or porno-violence. Some will say, "Just eliminate the violence. The sex is OK."
Most therapists, however, as well as most ordinary citizens, would not regard the following examples as healthy models of sexual behavior, but all are frequently depicted in "non-violent" pornography:
Child pornography and "pseudo child pornography"
Incest pornography (e.g., mother seducing son, daughter seducing father, etc.)
Sex with animals
Group sex
Sex which humiliates and denigrates women and their sex role in man/woman relationships (without overt violence)
Obscene films which present a massive amount of misinformation or gross distortions about human sexuality
All of the above, while lacking violence, still have the potential of having negative effects on some viewers because they model unhealthy sex role behavior or give false information about human sexuality. Additionally, non-violent porn can contribute to acquiring a great variety of sexual addictions.
Additionally, empirical research suggests that when experimental subjects are exposed to repeated presentations of hardcore non-violent adult pornography over a six-week period, they:
Develop an increased callousness toward women; trivialize rape as a criminal offense; to some it was no longer a crime at all;
Develop distorted perceptions about sexuality;
Develop an appetite for more deviant, bizarre, or violent types of pornography (escalation); normal sex no longer seemed to "do the job;"
Devalue the importance of monogamy and lack confidence in marriage as a lasting institution; and
View non-monogamous relationships as normal and natural behavior.
(Zillman, D., and Bryant, J. "Pornography's Impact on Sexual Satisfaction." Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 1988: vol 18, no. 5, pp 438-453; and Zillman, D., and Bryant, J., "Effects of Prolonged Consumption of Pornography on Family Values." Journal of Family Issues (Dec. 1988): vol. 9, no. 4, pp 518-544.).
THE CASES OF GARY BISHOP AND TED BUNDY, SERIAL KILLERS
Another example of the effects of pornography comes from Gary Bishop, convicted homosexual pedophile who murdered five young boys in Salt Lake City, Utah, in order to conceal his sexual abuse of them. He wrote in a letter after his conviction:
"Pornography was a determining factor in my downfall. Somehow I became sexually attracted to young boys and I would fantasize about them naked. Certain bookstores offered sex education, photographic, or art books which occasionally contained pictures of nude boys. I purchased such books and used them to enhance my masturbatory fantasies.
"Finding and procuring sexually arousing materials became an obsession. For me, seeing pornography was lighting a fuse on a stick of dynamite. I became stimulated and had to gratify my urges or explode. All boys became mere sexual objects. My conscience was desensitized and my sexual appetite entirely controlled my actions."
In the case of Ted Bundy, serial killer of possibly 31 young women, he stated in a videotaped interview hours before his execution, "You are going to kill me, and that will protect society from me. But out there are many, many more people who are addicted to pornography, and you are doing nothing about that." While some commentators discounted his linking aggressive pornography to his sex-murders (when he said it fueled his violent thoughts toward women), there seems little doubt that Bundy consumed a great deal of pornography, much of it violent, from an early age.
3. EFFECTS ON CHILDREN
I find in my clinical practice a spill-over effect where pornography used by adults very frequently gets into the hands of children living in the home or neighborhood. This can cause extremely negative consequences.
For example, the parents of a 14-year-old boy brought their son to me when they discovered that he was sexually molesting his sister. We found on investigation that cable TV was in the home, and late at night on one of the channels, there were some very graphic, rough, very violent depictions of sexuality. He got up at two in the morning, went downstairs, and watched these films night after night. They became the training manual or "sex education" that triggered him to assault his sister sexually.
EFFECTS OF DIAL-A-PORN ON CHILDREN
With the sponsorship of the U.S. Department of Justice, I was commissioned to conduct a pilot field study on the effects of dial-a-porn on children (mostly pre-teens or early teens) who had become involved with this type of pornography, and their parents.
At the time of the study, any youngster of any age could call these porno lines and get these messages from nearly any place in the country. All they needed was a phone number to call, and the numbers were very easy to come by. If parents put a "block" on their phone to prevent these calls, the children merely found another phone to use.
With every one of the children we studied, we found an "addiction-effect." In every case, without exception, the children (girls as well as boys) became hooked on this sex by phone and kept going back for more and still more. In some cases, more than 300 long distance calls were made by particular children.
One 12-year-old boy in Hayward, Calif., listened to dial-a-porn for nearly two hours on the phone in the empty pastor's study between church meetings one Sunday afternoon. A few days later he sexually assaulted a four-year-old girl in his mother's day care center. He had never been exposed to pornography before. He had never acted out sexually before and was not a behavior problem in the home. He had never heard of or knew of oral sex before listening to dial-a-porn. And this was how he assaulted the girl, forcing oral sex on her in direct imitation of what he had heard on the phone.
Since I conducted this study, Congress enacted legislation prohibiting obscene dial-a-porn messages and restricting access to indecent messages. Many dial-a-porn services, however, continue to operate in violation of this law, and neither the Justice Department nor the FCC is doing much about it.
THE VALUES THAT PERMEATE HARDCORE PORN
In a study reported to the 1986 Attorney General's Commission on Pornography by Dr. Jennings Bryant, 600 American males and females of high school age and above were interviewed about their "out in real life involvement with pornography." He found that 91% of the males and 82% of the females admitted having been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography. Two-thirds of the males and 40% of the females reported wanting to try out some of the behaviors they had witnessed.
And, among high school students, 31% of males and 18% of the females admitted doing some of the things sexually they had seen in the pornography within a few days after exposure. This clearly suggests the modeling-effect or imitative-learning effect, as well as "triggering effect," that even non-violent pornography has on human sexual behavior in some individuals.
As Dr. Bryant comments, "If the values which permeate the content of most hardcore pornography are examined, what is found is an almost total suspension of the sorts of moral judgement that have been espoused in the value systems of most civilized cultures. Forget trust. Forget family. Forget commitment. Forget love. Forget marriage. Here, in this world of ultimate physical hedonism, anything goes.
"If we take seriously the social science research literature in areas such as social learning or cultivation effects, we should expect that the heavy consumer of hardcore pornography should acquire some of these values which are so markedly different from those of our mainstream society, especially if the consumer does not have a well developed value system of his or her own."
PORNOGRAPHY AS A TRAINING MANUAL
We also have a great deal of information that suggests that pornography is used by sex offenders as a "training manual" in not only acquiring their own deviation but also as a device to break down the resistance and inhibitions of their victims .especially when the targets are children.
In an in-house study conducted by the Los Angeles Police Department's Administrative Vice division, in 60 percent of the child molestation cases referred to them over a 10-year period, adult or child pornography was used to lower the inhibitions of the children molested or to excite or sexually arouse the perpetrator of the abuse. In another study of 43 pedophiles, child pornography was found used in every one of the cases investigated. The officers reported the abusers repeatedly saying the same thing: "I used this stuff to stimulate the child, to break down his inhibitions." (The World and I, December 1992: p. 508)
It is mainly pedophiles who create true child pornography using children. They do this for their own use as well as to exchange or sell the materials they produce. When this occurs, the children are doubly abused: at the time the films or videos or pictures are made, and when others observe these works in the future and get turned on sexually.
Child pornography invariably produces great shame and guilt in the children involved, especially as they get older and more fully comprehend the enormity of their abuse and know that there is a permanent record of their degradation.
INTERNET PORN
In the past five years porn on the Internet has virtually exploded in volume and is now the leading source of pornographic materials worldwide. Some of my porn addict patients inform me that the Internet has three major advantages in feeding their addictive sexual illnesses. They call them the three "A's": It's easily Accessible, Affordable, and Anonymous.
I have had boys in their early teens getting into this wasteland with really disastrous consequences. They told me they actively search for porn on the Internet, keying in on such words as sex, nudity, pornography, obscenity, etc. Then, once they have found how to access it they go back again and again, just like drug addicts.
Dr. Albert Cooper, a West Coast university researcher, writing in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, refers to this as a "cybersex addiction." He indicates that cybersex compulsives are just like drug addicts using the Internet as an important part of their sexual acting out. This is their "drug of choice," often with serious harm in their home lives and livelihood.
Dr. Mark Schwartz of the Masters & Johnson Institute in St. Louis says, "Sex on the Net is like heroin, it grabs them and takes over their lives. And it's very difficult to treat because the people affected don't want to give it up." Cybersex compulsives can become so involved with their online activities that they ignore their partners and children and risk their jobs.
Another researcher (Putnam) has noted that some cybersex addicts develop a conditioned response to the computer and become sexually aroused even before turning it on. "Simply sitting down to work at the computer can start a sexual response that may facilitate online sexual activities. As with other addictions, tolerance to cybersex stimulation can develop, prompting the addict to take more and more risks to recapture the initial high." (see New York Times, 16 May 2000, F7)
Dr. Jennifer Schneider, a Tucson, Arizona, physician, conducted a survey of 94 family members affected by cybersex addictions and found that problems could arise even among those in loving marriages with ample sexual opportunities. "Sex on the Net is just so seductive and it's so easy to stumble upon it, people who are vulnerable can get hooked before they know it."
She further commented that the damage can be as devastating as that caused by compulsive gambling or addiction to alcohol or drugs. In her survey of these 94 people in committed relationships she found they experienced serious adverse consequences, including broken relationships from those partners with cybersex addictions. Partners commonly reported feeling betrayed, devalued, deceived, ignored, and abandoned and unable to compete with a fantasy. Among those studied was a 34 year-old woman married 14 years to a minister who she discovered was compulsively seeking sexual satisfaction by visiting pornographic sites on the Internet. She commented: "How can I compete with hundreds of anonymous others who are now in our bed, in his head. Our bed is crowded with countless faceless strangers, where once we were intimate." (New York Times, 16 May 2000, F7).
State obscenity laws can't solve the problem since it is largely a national and international problem. However, enforcement of federal obscenity laws (18 USC 1462, 1465) would certainly reduce the amount of Internet porn, since the U.S. is the major producer at the present time. However, these laws are not being enforced; and as a result, distribution on the Internet of hardcore "adult" pornography (i.e., no children depicted) is largely unpoliced in the United States. At the international level, there are no treaties prohibiting hardcore "adult" porn.
Filters can be very helpful in discouraging or slowing down young family members from accessing Internet porn, but it should be clearly stated and understood that no filter is absolutely foolproof. A computer-wise user, if persistent, can nearly always breach filter defenses. So caring parents should use filters as partial protection but also have the family Internet computer in a central location where the parents can monitor and supervise its use.
It should also be noted that few parents are capable of monitoring their children (especially older children) 24 hours a day. Laws restricting minors' access to Internet porn are needed to help parents protect their children from being exposed to this addictive and often toxic material.
Most U.S. libraries allow use of their computers for Internet access but refuse to use filters to protect underage children from harmful exposure to pornography. This means that a seven year-old could potentially access explicit sexual matter representing extremes in anti-social pathology whose source could be from any place in the world. Already we are seeing children sexually abusing other children using the Internet or other media as their instruction manuals. Some might consider permitting exposure of young children to these kinds of materials a form of child abuse or, at the very least, contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
4. OTHER CONSIDERATIONS OF PORNOGRAPHY'S EFFECTS
PEOPLE ARE AFFECTED BY WHAT THEY SEE
Some Americans strongly hold the belief that pornography, while it may be vulgar and tasteless, is still essentially harmless and has no real effect on the viewer.
However, for someone to suggest that pornography cannot have an effect on you is to deny the whole notion of education, or to suggest that people are not affected by what they read and see. If you believe that a pornographic book or film cannot affect you, then you must also say that Karl Marx's Das Kapital, or the Bible, or the Koran, or advertising have no effect on their readers or viewers.
Astute businessmen do not spend billions of dollars a year on advertising if their visual and verbal messages and imagery did not motivate people to buy deodorant or diapers or automobiles. The key question is, not whether, but what kind of an effect does pornography have?
PORNOGRAPHY AS A FORM OF SEX EDUCATION
Sex counseling clinics use explicit sexual pictures, films, books, and videos to change couples' sexual behavior, beliefs, and attitudes. However, these materials are as carefully selected and prescribed as particular drugs prescribed by a physician to treat a specific illness or infection. No responsible doctor would ever send a patient to a pharmacy and say, "Take anything available on the shelf." And no responsible sex therapist would ever say to a patient who had a specifically focused sexual problem, "Go down to the adult bookstore and help yourself to anything you find there."
Consider also the spread of sex education courses in schools throughout the United States. The assumption is that you can change attitudes and behaviors about sex through some form of teaching and instruction. If you assume that this is so .still a controversial issue among researchers .then you have to admit that to the possibility that pornography which models rape and the dehumanization of females in sexual situations are also powerful forms of sex education.
Anyone who has seen much pornography knows that most of it is made by men for male consumption; is extremely sexist; gives a great deal of misinformation about human sexuality; is devoid of love, relationship, and responsibility; mentions nothing about the risks of sexually transmitted diseases; and, for the most part, dehumanizes male and female participants.
Pornography portrays unhealthy or even anti-social kinds of sexual activity, such as sado-masochism, abuse and humiliation of the female, involvement of minors, incest, group sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism, bestiality, etc. If we just examine its educative impact, it presents us with some cause for concern.
WHY SOME CLAIM 'NO EFFECTS'
Some of the "experts" who publicly suggest that pornography has no effects are just unaware of the research and studies suggesting harm. Others really do not believe what they are asserting. Still others will only reluctantly admit to the possibility of harm from "violent pornography."
In some cases, they are pretending not to know because of their concern over what they falsely believe is censorship or loss of First Amendment rights. Some fear the tyranny of a moralist minority who might take away their rights to view and use pornography, then later take away free speech and expression. Some are themselves sex addicts with a hidden agenda behind their public posturing. Thus, for some of them, the issue is political. It also has to do with their personal values and much less with what any contrary evidence might suggest.
TREATING SEX/PORN ADDICTIONS
Porn addictions are usually the precursor of later full-scale sexual addictions. In my experience two things need to happen when treating these psychotherapeutically.
First the addict (and spouse, if they have one) should be treated together by a sexual addiction specialist. They will both need marriage counseling also. Since the innocent spouse is wounded too, she (or he) also needs help. In the process, you also mobilize the innocent spouse to be part of the healing team. You don't neglect them. You all work together. And there is one cardinal rule: "no secrets." Secrets "kill" you. If there is any kind of relapse it must be acknowledged, put on the table and processed in the counseling session. If you hide or lie your illness worsens.
Second - you need to join a weekly support group such as S.A. (Sexaholics Anonymous) with their 12-step program. This is a cousin to Alcoholics Anonymous. It's free. All it costs is your time - maybe an hour and a half a week. In my experience this can be very helpful. And in that group you choose a sponsor - someone with long-term sobriety who you can call to get help, advice and support anytime 24 hours a day. You can usually locate these groups by looking in the telephone book business pages under Sexaholics Anonymous. Or you could call A.A. who can usually tell you where to go.
I find that for this experience to be helpful you need to attend at least 90% of their weekly meetings. If your addiction is particularly virulent or you also have chemical addictions in addition, then you should attend at least two group meetings a week until you start getting your behavior under control. The core of A.A.'s and S.A.'s success in supporting healing is the fellowship and bond that develops between and among the wounded attendees plus the 12-step program and the influence of the "higher power."
In choosing a counselor to work with I have found that the average social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist will ordinarily not have the training, expertise or special skills to do sex addiction therapy. Thus this may require you to do some research to locate the appropriate therapist. Even going to an ordinary "sex therapist" won't help either. Most have been trained to help individuals with sexual dysfunctions to "turn on" to healthy sex, not to turn off compulsive addictive sex behavior. One thing you could do to find the right therapist would be to attend a meeting or two of S.A. and ask the other attendees who they have found particularly helpful in counseling.
Editor's note: We have a fuller discussion of Dr. Cline's treatment and therapy suggestions on this Web site
CONCLUSION
In this brief essay, it is not possible to review all of the studies on pornography's effects. But the studies and other evidence set forth here still should be sufficient to give the reader a sense of the field, and thus answer for himself or herself the question of pornography's potential to change or influence sexual attitudes and behavior.
In my clinical practice, I have treated both children and adults who have been unequivocally and repeatedly injured by exposure to pornography. If anyone still has doubts about pornography's effects, I would suggest that he or she get invited to some meetings of "Sexaholics Anonymous" and personally witness the pain and trauma first hand.
In a society where some types of pornographic material are protected by the Constitution and obscenity laws go unenforced, some individuals may choose to immerse themselves in pornography. These individuals should be made aware of the health hazards involved. This kind of knowledge is most important for parents, since most sexual and pornographic addictions begin in middle childhood or adolescence, most of the time without the parents' awareness or the children have an insufficient understanding of the risks involved.
Copyright © 2001-2007, Morality in Media, Inc. All Rights reserved
Jai ho, to the strong-minded! tanhai aur loneliness seh bhi lenge, magar not 'lowering themselves' in their own eyes, or losing self-esteem.
Okay, the onslaught of the internet sites is such, that a pop-up may lead one to an obsence viewing; what matters is how one responds, to such inadvertent 'clicks', does one make a conscious effort to stay true to one's instincts or just goes with the adrenalin flow and gets 'hooked' or addicted!
JAI HO TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE COMMITTED, SILENTLY OR VOCIFEROUSLY; INVIDUALLY OR COLLECTIVELY TO FIGHTING THIS 'PRURIENT' MENACE, FACING ALL OF MANKIND!
Let us strive to maintain the continual betterment spirit FOR HUMANITY'S SAKE/SAKE OF CIVILIZED EXISTENCE. otherwise, the civilized beasts would just take us back to the days of roman orgies and brutal bestiality!
JAI HO TO THE POWER OF DISCRETION/VIVEKAM, which will ensure that though all of us are vulnerable/exposed to this threat, we WON'T GET ADDICTED/AFFECTED/AFFLICTED BY IT!
PYAAR KI JEET HO, NAAKI HAWAS KI!
ting, ting, ti ding!
ganesh.
----------
wonderful analysis, albeit long one. read it for its full logical impact! jai ho!
----------
Pornography's Effects on Adults and Children
By VICTOR B. CLINE, Ph.D.,
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Salt Lake City, Utah
About the Author
Victor B. Cline earned his Ph.D. at the University of California, Berkeley and is presently a psychotherapist specializing in family/marital counseling and sexual addictions. He is also Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Utah, Salt Lake City, president of Marriage and Family Enrichment (a nationwide seminar group) and author/editor of numerous scientific articles and books, including the book, Where Do You Draw the Line? Explorations in Media Violence, Pornography, and Censorship.
Note: This is an abridged version of Dr. Cline's article. The entire unabridged version is available in monograph form from Morality in Media, 475 Riverside Drive, Suite 239, New York, NY 10115. For more information, please go to the descriptions and price sheet and the order blank on the MIM Web site.
1. What are Pornography and Obscenity?
Whether pornography has any significant harmful effects on consumers continues to be a controversial issue, not only for average citizens but also for behavioral scientists. This is not surprising in the light of the fact that two national commissions .the Majority Report of the 1970 Presidential Commission on Obscenity and Pornography and the 1986 Attorney General's Commission on Pornography .came to diametrically opposed conclusions about this matter.
Some social commentators claim that pornography is mainly a form of entertainment, possibly educational, sometimes sexually arousing, but essentially harmless. Or, they claim, at the very least, that there is no good scientific evidence of harm. Other social commentators claim more dire consequences and give as examples recent cases, played up by the media, of sex-murderers who have claimed that pornography "made them do it."
To ascertain something about pornography's effects, we first need to define it. The word "pornography" comes from the Greek words "porno" and "graphia" meaning "depictions of the activities of whores." In common parlance, it usually means, "material that is sexually explicit and intended primarily for the purpose of sexual arousal."
"Obscenity," however, is a legal term which was defined by the U.S. Supreme Court in its 1973 Miller v. California decision. For something to be found obscene, and therefore unprotected by the First Amendment, a judge or jury representing a cross section of the community must determine if the material:
Taken as a whole, appeals to a prurient (sick, morbid, shameful, or lascivious) interest in sex;
Depicts sexual conduct in a patently offensive manner (i.e., goes beyond contemporary community standards with regards to depictions of sexual conduct or activity); and
Taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, and scientific value.
The material has to meet all three tests before it can be found obscene in the eyes of the law and its distribution prohibited. This means that something could be regarded as "pornographic" but still not be obscene, such as an explicit sex film produced and used to teach medical students about human sexuality, or a film or book with serious artistic and/or literary value which has some explicit sexual content.
Thus, the Supreme Court has protected a wide variety of sexual matter in movies, books, magazines, and in other formats from being prohibited for sale and exhibition to adults (there is a stricter standard with respect to minors). Under the Miller test, however, the distribution of pornographic material which is obscene, such as most of what can be called "hardcore," can be prohibited and penalties proscribed.
The distribution of obscenity is prohibited on the federal level and on the state level in over 40 states. While the enforcement of obscenity laws increased after the Attorney General's Commission issued its "Final Report" in 1986, particularly at the federal level, enforcement is at best sporadic in many parts of the nation.
This lack of enforcement, especially at the state and local levels, may be attributable, in part, to the view of many people and, in particular, public officials that pornography is essentially harmless or, at the least, that there is little or no real evidence of harm.
2. EFFECTS ON ADULTS
In reviewing the literature on the effects of pornography, there is a variety of evidence suggesting risk and the possibility of harm from being immersed in repeated exposure to pornography. These data come primarily from three sources:
Clinical case history data
Field studies
Experimental laboratory type studies
As a clinical psychologist, I have treated, over the years, approximately 350 sex addicts, sex offenders, or other individuals (96% male) with sexual illnesses. This includes many types of unwanted compulsive sexual acting-out, plus such things as child molestation, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadomasochism, fetishism, and rape. With several exceptions, pornography has been a major or minor contributor or facilitator in the acquisition of their deviation or sexual addiction.
FIRST STEP - ADDICTION
The first change that happened was an addiction-effect. The porn-consumers got hooked. Once involved in pornographic materials, they kept coming back for more and still more. The material seemed to provide a very powerful sexual stimulant or aphrodisiac effect, followed by sexual release, most often through masturbation. The pornography provided very exciting and powerful imagery which they frequently recalled to mind and elaborated on in their fantasies.
Once addicted, they could not throw off their dependence on the material by themselves, despite many negative consequences such as divorce, loss of family, and problems with the law (such as sexual assault, harassment or abuse of fellow employees).
I also found, anecdotally, that many of my most intelligent male patients appeared to be most vulnerable .perhaps because they had a greater capacity to fantasize, which heightened the intensity of the experience and made them more susceptible to being conditioned into an addiction.
One of my patients was so deeply addicted that he could not stay away from pornography for 90 days, even for $1,000. It is difficult for non-addicts to comprehend the totally driven nature of a sex addict. When the "wave" hits them, nothing can stand in the way of getting what they want, whether that be pornography accompanied by masturbation, sex from a prostitute, molesting a child, or raping a woman. These men are consumed by their appetite, regardless of the cost or consequences. Their addiction virtually rules their lives.
SECOND STEP - ESCALATION
The second phase was an escalation-effect. With the passage of time, the addicted person required rougher, more explicit, more deviant, and "kinky" kinds of sexual material to get their "highs" and "sexual turn-ons." It was reminiscent of individuals afflicted with drug addictions. Over time there is nearly always an increasing need for more of the stimulant to get the same initial effect.
Being married or in a relationship with a willing sexual partner did not solve their problem. Their addiction and escalation were mainly due to the powerful sexual imagery in their minds, implanted there by the exposure to pornography.
I have had a number of couple-clients where the wife tearfully reported that her husband preferred to masturbate to pornography than to make love to her.
THIRD PHASE - DESENSITIZATION
The third phase was desensitization. Material (in books, magazines, or films/videos) which was originally perceived as shocking, taboo-breaking, illegal, repulsive, or immoral, in time came to be seen as acceptable and commonplace. The sexual activity depicted in the pornography (no matter how anti-social or deviant) became legitimized. There was an increasing sense that "everybody does it" and this gave them permission to also do it, even though the activity was possibly illegal and contrary to their previous moral beliefs and personal standards.
FOURTH PHASE - ACTING OUT SEXUALLY
The fourth phase was an increasing tendency to act out sexually the behaviors viewed in the pornography, including compulsive promiscuity, exhibitionism, group sex, voyeurism, frequenting massage parlors, having sex with minor children, rape, and inflicting pain on themselves or a partner during sex. This behavior frequently grew into a sexual addiction which they found themselves locked into and unable to change or reverse .no matter what the negative consequences were in their life.
Many examples of the negative effects of pornography-use come from the private or clinical practice of psychotherapists, physicians, counselors, attorneys, and ministers. Here we come face to face with real people who are in some kind of significant trouble or pain. One example from my practice might illustrate this.
I was asked to consult on a case where a Phoenix-Tucson area professional person, president of his firm and head of his church's committee on helping troubled children, was found to be a serial rapist who had violently raped a number of women at gun- or knife-point in the Arizona area. In doing the background study on him, I found him to come from an exemplary background and trouble-free childhood. He was an outstanding student in high school and college.
His wife, children, business and church associates had not the slightest inkling of his double life or dark side. The only significant negative factor in his life was an early adolescent addiction to pornography which, for the most part, was kept secret from others. This gradually escalated over a period of years, eventually leading to spending many hours and incurring great expense at "adult" bookstores, looking at violent video-porn movies and masturbating to these.
His first rape was triggered by seeing a close resemblance in the woman he assaulted to the leading character in a porn movie he had seen earlier in the day. Reality and fantasy had become extremely blurred for him as he acted out his pathological sexual fantasies.
In my clinical experience, however, the major consequence of being addicted to pornography is not the probability or possibility of committing a serious sex crime (though this can and does occur), but rather the disturbance of the fragile bonds of intimate family and marital relationships. This is where the most grievous pain, damage, and sorrow occur. There is repeatedly an interference with or even destruction of healthy love and sexual relationships with long-term bonded partners. If one asks if porn is responsible or causes any sex crimes, the answer is unequivocally, "Yes," but that is only the tip of the iceberg.
SEXUAL DEVIATIONS ARE LEARNED BEHAVIORS
The best evidence to date suggests that most or all sexual deviations are learned behaviors, usually through inadvertent or accidental conditioning. There is no convincing evidence to date, suggesting the hereditary transmission of any pathological sexual behavior pattern such as rape, incest, pedophilia, exhibitionism, or promiscuity.
As McGuire explains, as a man repeatedly masturbates to a vivid sexual fantasy as his exclusive outlet (introduced by a real life experience or possibly pornography), the pleasurable experiences endow the deviant fantasy (rape, molesting children, injuring one's partner while having sex, etc.) with increasing erotic value. The orgasm experienced then provides the critical reinforcing event for the conditioning of the fantasy preceding or accompanying the act. (McGuire, R.J., et al., "Sexual Deviation as Conditioned Behavior," Behavior Research and Therapy, 1965, vol 2, p. 185).
In my experience as a sexual therapist, any individual who regularly masturbates to pornography is at risk of becoming, in time, a sexual addict, as well as conditioning himself into having a sexual deviancy and/or disturbing a bonded relationship with a spouse or girlfriend. A frequent side effect is that it also dramatically reduces their capacity to love. Their sexual side becomes, in a sense, dehumanized. Many of them develop an "alien ego state" (or dark side), whose core is antisocial lust devoid of most values.
It makes no difference if one is an eminent physician, attorney, minister, athlete, corporate executive, college president, unskilled laborer, or an average 15-year-old boy. All can be conditioned into deviancy.
THE EFFECTS OF AGGRESSIVE PORNOGRAPHY (PORNO-VIOLENCE)
In recent years, there has been a considerable body of research on aggressive pornography, much of it found in "hard R-rated" films. Many of these films are also shown unedited on cable TV and later are available to children in nearly every video store in America. The typical film shows nude females, or females in sexually arousing situations and postures, being raped, tortured, or murdered.
The results of this research suggest the possibility of conditioning viewers into associating sexual arousal with inflicting injury, rape, humiliation, or torture on females. Where these films are available on videotapes (which most are), these can be repeatedly viewed in the privacy of one's residence and masturbated to, with the associated risks of negative or antisocial conditioning and behavior, as previously noted.
The literature on aggressive pornography is rather impressive in its consistency in suggesting a variety of harms or possibility of antisocial outcomes from exposure to this material. This should not be surprising after 40 years of research on film and TV violence arriving essentially at the same conclusion.
In a study by Mills College sociologist Diana Russell, it was found that the depiction and dissemination of the "rape myth" (i.e., that most women really enjoy having sex forced upon them) were significant elements in reducing inhibitions to the use of violence, habituating both males and females to the idea of rape and also accepting sexual aberrance as "normal" behavior. She also found that once the seeds of deviant behavior were planted in the male fantasy, the men were inclined to act out their fantasies. She found that both the fantasies were acted out, as well as the mere conceptualization of deviant fantasies as viable behaviors, led to considerable conflict and suffering on the part of both males and females, particularly in sexual relationships with their intimate partners. (Russell, Diana, Rape and Marriage, Beverly Hills, Calif.: Sage, 1982).
THE EFFECTS OF NON-VIOLENT PORNOGRAPHY
The issue which has caught the attention of some behavioral scientists is whether it is the violence or the sex that is doing most of the "harm" when it is fused together in so-called aggressive pornography or porno-violence. Some will say, "Just eliminate the violence. The sex is OK."
Most therapists, however, as well as most ordinary citizens, would not regard the following examples as healthy models of sexual behavior, but all are frequently depicted in "non-violent" pornography:
Child pornography and "pseudo child pornography"
Incest pornography (e.g., mother seducing son, daughter seducing father, etc.)
Sex with animals
Group sex
Sex which humiliates and denigrates women and their sex role in man/woman relationships (without overt violence)
Obscene films which present a massive amount of misinformation or gross distortions about human sexuality
All of the above, while lacking violence, still have the potential of having negative effects on some viewers because they model unhealthy sex role behavior or give false information about human sexuality. Additionally, non-violent porn can contribute to acquiring a great variety of sexual addictions.
Additionally, empirical research suggests that when experimental subjects are exposed to repeated presentations of hardcore non-violent adult pornography over a six-week period, they:
Develop an increased callousness toward women; trivialize rape as a criminal offense; to some it was no longer a crime at all;
Develop distorted perceptions about sexuality;
Develop an appetite for more deviant, bizarre, or violent types of pornography (escalation); normal sex no longer seemed to "do the job;"
Devalue the importance of monogamy and lack confidence in marriage as a lasting institution; and
View non-monogamous relationships as normal and natural behavior.
(Zillman, D., and Bryant, J. "Pornography's Impact on Sexual Satisfaction." Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 1988: vol 18, no. 5, pp 438-453; and Zillman, D., and Bryant, J., "Effects of Prolonged Consumption of Pornography on Family Values." Journal of Family Issues (Dec. 1988): vol. 9, no. 4, pp 518-544.).
THE CASES OF GARY BISHOP AND TED BUNDY, SERIAL KILLERS
Another example of the effects of pornography comes from Gary Bishop, convicted homosexual pedophile who murdered five young boys in Salt Lake City, Utah, in order to conceal his sexual abuse of them. He wrote in a letter after his conviction:
"Pornography was a determining factor in my downfall. Somehow I became sexually attracted to young boys and I would fantasize about them naked. Certain bookstores offered sex education, photographic, or art books which occasionally contained pictures of nude boys. I purchased such books and used them to enhance my masturbatory fantasies.
"Finding and procuring sexually arousing materials became an obsession. For me, seeing pornography was lighting a fuse on a stick of dynamite. I became stimulated and had to gratify my urges or explode. All boys became mere sexual objects. My conscience was desensitized and my sexual appetite entirely controlled my actions."
In the case of Ted Bundy, serial killer of possibly 31 young women, he stated in a videotaped interview hours before his execution, "You are going to kill me, and that will protect society from me. But out there are many, many more people who are addicted to pornography, and you are doing nothing about that." While some commentators discounted his linking aggressive pornography to his sex-murders (when he said it fueled his violent thoughts toward women), there seems little doubt that Bundy consumed a great deal of pornography, much of it violent, from an early age.
3. EFFECTS ON CHILDREN
I find in my clinical practice a spill-over effect where pornography used by adults very frequently gets into the hands of children living in the home or neighborhood. This can cause extremely negative consequences.
For example, the parents of a 14-year-old boy brought their son to me when they discovered that he was sexually molesting his sister. We found on investigation that cable TV was in the home, and late at night on one of the channels, there were some very graphic, rough, very violent depictions of sexuality. He got up at two in the morning, went downstairs, and watched these films night after night. They became the training manual or "sex education" that triggered him to assault his sister sexually.
EFFECTS OF DIAL-A-PORN ON CHILDREN
With the sponsorship of the U.S. Department of Justice, I was commissioned to conduct a pilot field study on the effects of dial-a-porn on children (mostly pre-teens or early teens) who had become involved with this type of pornography, and their parents.
At the time of the study, any youngster of any age could call these porno lines and get these messages from nearly any place in the country. All they needed was a phone number to call, and the numbers were very easy to come by. If parents put a "block" on their phone to prevent these calls, the children merely found another phone to use.
With every one of the children we studied, we found an "addiction-effect." In every case, without exception, the children (girls as well as boys) became hooked on this sex by phone and kept going back for more and still more. In some cases, more than 300 long distance calls were made by particular children.
One 12-year-old boy in Hayward, Calif., listened to dial-a-porn for nearly two hours on the phone in the empty pastor's study between church meetings one Sunday afternoon. A few days later he sexually assaulted a four-year-old girl in his mother's day care center. He had never been exposed to pornography before. He had never acted out sexually before and was not a behavior problem in the home. He had never heard of or knew of oral sex before listening to dial-a-porn. And this was how he assaulted the girl, forcing oral sex on her in direct imitation of what he had heard on the phone.
Since I conducted this study, Congress enacted legislation prohibiting obscene dial-a-porn messages and restricting access to indecent messages. Many dial-a-porn services, however, continue to operate in violation of this law, and neither the Justice Department nor the FCC is doing much about it.
THE VALUES THAT PERMEATE HARDCORE PORN
In a study reported to the 1986 Attorney General's Commission on Pornography by Dr. Jennings Bryant, 600 American males and females of high school age and above were interviewed about their "out in real life involvement with pornography." He found that 91% of the males and 82% of the females admitted having been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography. Two-thirds of the males and 40% of the females reported wanting to try out some of the behaviors they had witnessed.
And, among high school students, 31% of males and 18% of the females admitted doing some of the things sexually they had seen in the pornography within a few days after exposure. This clearly suggests the modeling-effect or imitative-learning effect, as well as "triggering effect," that even non-violent pornography has on human sexual behavior in some individuals.
As Dr. Bryant comments, "If the values which permeate the content of most hardcore pornography are examined, what is found is an almost total suspension of the sorts of moral judgement that have been espoused in the value systems of most civilized cultures. Forget trust. Forget family. Forget commitment. Forget love. Forget marriage. Here, in this world of ultimate physical hedonism, anything goes.
"If we take seriously the social science research literature in areas such as social learning or cultivation effects, we should expect that the heavy consumer of hardcore pornography should acquire some of these values which are so markedly different from those of our mainstream society, especially if the consumer does not have a well developed value system of his or her own."
PORNOGRAPHY AS A TRAINING MANUAL
We also have a great deal of information that suggests that pornography is used by sex offenders as a "training manual" in not only acquiring their own deviation but also as a device to break down the resistance and inhibitions of their victims .especially when the targets are children.
In an in-house study conducted by the Los Angeles Police Department's Administrative Vice division, in 60 percent of the child molestation cases referred to them over a 10-year period, adult or child pornography was used to lower the inhibitions of the children molested or to excite or sexually arouse the perpetrator of the abuse. In another study of 43 pedophiles, child pornography was found used in every one of the cases investigated. The officers reported the abusers repeatedly saying the same thing: "I used this stuff to stimulate the child, to break down his inhibitions." (The World and I, December 1992: p. 508)
It is mainly pedophiles who create true child pornography using children. They do this for their own use as well as to exchange or sell the materials they produce. When this occurs, the children are doubly abused: at the time the films or videos or pictures are made, and when others observe these works in the future and get turned on sexually.
Child pornography invariably produces great shame and guilt in the children involved, especially as they get older and more fully comprehend the enormity of their abuse and know that there is a permanent record of their degradation.
INTERNET PORN
In the past five years porn on the Internet has virtually exploded in volume and is now the leading source of pornographic materials worldwide. Some of my porn addict patients inform me that the Internet has three major advantages in feeding their addictive sexual illnesses. They call them the three "A's": It's easily Accessible, Affordable, and Anonymous.
I have had boys in their early teens getting into this wasteland with really disastrous consequences. They told me they actively search for porn on the Internet, keying in on such words as sex, nudity, pornography, obscenity, etc. Then, once they have found how to access it they go back again and again, just like drug addicts.
Dr. Albert Cooper, a West Coast university researcher, writing in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, refers to this as a "cybersex addiction." He indicates that cybersex compulsives are just like drug addicts using the Internet as an important part of their sexual acting out. This is their "drug of choice," often with serious harm in their home lives and livelihood.
Dr. Mark Schwartz of the Masters & Johnson Institute in St. Louis says, "Sex on the Net is like heroin, it grabs them and takes over their lives. And it's very difficult to treat because the people affected don't want to give it up." Cybersex compulsives can become so involved with their online activities that they ignore their partners and children and risk their jobs.
Another researcher (Putnam) has noted that some cybersex addicts develop a conditioned response to the computer and become sexually aroused even before turning it on. "Simply sitting down to work at the computer can start a sexual response that may facilitate online sexual activities. As with other addictions, tolerance to cybersex stimulation can develop, prompting the addict to take more and more risks to recapture the initial high." (see New York Times, 16 May 2000, F7)
Dr. Jennifer Schneider, a Tucson, Arizona, physician, conducted a survey of 94 family members affected by cybersex addictions and found that problems could arise even among those in loving marriages with ample sexual opportunities. "Sex on the Net is just so seductive and it's so easy to stumble upon it, people who are vulnerable can get hooked before they know it."
She further commented that the damage can be as devastating as that caused by compulsive gambling or addiction to alcohol or drugs. In her survey of these 94 people in committed relationships she found they experienced serious adverse consequences, including broken relationships from those partners with cybersex addictions. Partners commonly reported feeling betrayed, devalued, deceived, ignored, and abandoned and unable to compete with a fantasy. Among those studied was a 34 year-old woman married 14 years to a minister who she discovered was compulsively seeking sexual satisfaction by visiting pornographic sites on the Internet. She commented: "How can I compete with hundreds of anonymous others who are now in our bed, in his head. Our bed is crowded with countless faceless strangers, where once we were intimate." (New York Times, 16 May 2000, F7).
State obscenity laws can't solve the problem since it is largely a national and international problem. However, enforcement of federal obscenity laws (18 USC 1462, 1465) would certainly reduce the amount of Internet porn, since the U.S. is the major producer at the present time. However, these laws are not being enforced; and as a result, distribution on the Internet of hardcore "adult" pornography (i.e., no children depicted) is largely unpoliced in the United States. At the international level, there are no treaties prohibiting hardcore "adult" porn.
Filters can be very helpful in discouraging or slowing down young family members from accessing Internet porn, but it should be clearly stated and understood that no filter is absolutely foolproof. A computer-wise user, if persistent, can nearly always breach filter defenses. So caring parents should use filters as partial protection but also have the family Internet computer in a central location where the parents can monitor and supervise its use.
It should also be noted that few parents are capable of monitoring their children (especially older children) 24 hours a day. Laws restricting minors' access to Internet porn are needed to help parents protect their children from being exposed to this addictive and often toxic material.
Most U.S. libraries allow use of their computers for Internet access but refuse to use filters to protect underage children from harmful exposure to pornography. This means that a seven year-old could potentially access explicit sexual matter representing extremes in anti-social pathology whose source could be from any place in the world. Already we are seeing children sexually abusing other children using the Internet or other media as their instruction manuals. Some might consider permitting exposure of young children to these kinds of materials a form of child abuse or, at the very least, contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
4. OTHER CONSIDERATIONS OF PORNOGRAPHY'S EFFECTS
PEOPLE ARE AFFECTED BY WHAT THEY SEE
Some Americans strongly hold the belief that pornography, while it may be vulgar and tasteless, is still essentially harmless and has no real effect on the viewer.
However, for someone to suggest that pornography cannot have an effect on you is to deny the whole notion of education, or to suggest that people are not affected by what they read and see. If you believe that a pornographic book or film cannot affect you, then you must also say that Karl Marx's Das Kapital, or the Bible, or the Koran, or advertising have no effect on their readers or viewers.
Astute businessmen do not spend billions of dollars a year on advertising if their visual and verbal messages and imagery did not motivate people to buy deodorant or diapers or automobiles. The key question is, not whether, but what kind of an effect does pornography have?
PORNOGRAPHY AS A FORM OF SEX EDUCATION
Sex counseling clinics use explicit sexual pictures, films, books, and videos to change couples' sexual behavior, beliefs, and attitudes. However, these materials are as carefully selected and prescribed as particular drugs prescribed by a physician to treat a specific illness or infection. No responsible doctor would ever send a patient to a pharmacy and say, "Take anything available on the shelf." And no responsible sex therapist would ever say to a patient who had a specifically focused sexual problem, "Go down to the adult bookstore and help yourself to anything you find there."
Consider also the spread of sex education courses in schools throughout the United States. The assumption is that you can change attitudes and behaviors about sex through some form of teaching and instruction. If you assume that this is so .still a controversial issue among researchers .then you have to admit that to the possibility that pornography which models rape and the dehumanization of females in sexual situations are also powerful forms of sex education.
Anyone who has seen much pornography knows that most of it is made by men for male consumption; is extremely sexist; gives a great deal of misinformation about human sexuality; is devoid of love, relationship, and responsibility; mentions nothing about the risks of sexually transmitted diseases; and, for the most part, dehumanizes male and female participants.
Pornography portrays unhealthy or even anti-social kinds of sexual activity, such as sado-masochism, abuse and humiliation of the female, involvement of minors, incest, group sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism, bestiality, etc. If we just examine its educative impact, it presents us with some cause for concern.
WHY SOME CLAIM 'NO EFFECTS'
Some of the "experts" who publicly suggest that pornography has no effects are just unaware of the research and studies suggesting harm. Others really do not believe what they are asserting. Still others will only reluctantly admit to the possibility of harm from "violent pornography."
In some cases, they are pretending not to know because of their concern over what they falsely believe is censorship or loss of First Amendment rights. Some fear the tyranny of a moralist minority who might take away their rights to view and use pornography, then later take away free speech and expression. Some are themselves sex addicts with a hidden agenda behind their public posturing. Thus, for some of them, the issue is political. It also has to do with their personal values and much less with what any contrary evidence might suggest.
TREATING SEX/PORN ADDICTIONS
Porn addictions are usually the precursor of later full-scale sexual addictions. In my experience two things need to happen when treating these psychotherapeutically.
First the addict (and spouse, if they have one) should be treated together by a sexual addiction specialist. They will both need marriage counseling also. Since the innocent spouse is wounded too, she (or he) also needs help. In the process, you also mobilize the innocent spouse to be part of the healing team. You don't neglect them. You all work together. And there is one cardinal rule: "no secrets." Secrets "kill" you. If there is any kind of relapse it must be acknowledged, put on the table and processed in the counseling session. If you hide or lie your illness worsens.
Second - you need to join a weekly support group such as S.A. (Sexaholics Anonymous) with their 12-step program. This is a cousin to Alcoholics Anonymous. It's free. All it costs is your time - maybe an hour and a half a week. In my experience this can be very helpful. And in that group you choose a sponsor - someone with long-term sobriety who you can call to get help, advice and support anytime 24 hours a day. You can usually locate these groups by looking in the telephone book business pages under Sexaholics Anonymous. Or you could call A.A. who can usually tell you where to go.
I find that for this experience to be helpful you need to attend at least 90% of their weekly meetings. If your addiction is particularly virulent or you also have chemical addictions in addition, then you should attend at least two group meetings a week until you start getting your behavior under control. The core of A.A.'s and S.A.'s success in supporting healing is the fellowship and bond that develops between and among the wounded attendees plus the 12-step program and the influence of the "higher power."
In choosing a counselor to work with I have found that the average social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist will ordinarily not have the training, expertise or special skills to do sex addiction therapy. Thus this may require you to do some research to locate the appropriate therapist. Even going to an ordinary "sex therapist" won't help either. Most have been trained to help individuals with sexual dysfunctions to "turn on" to healthy sex, not to turn off compulsive addictive sex behavior. One thing you could do to find the right therapist would be to attend a meeting or two of S.A. and ask the other attendees who they have found particularly helpful in counseling.
Editor's note: We have a fuller discussion of Dr. Cline's treatment and therapy suggestions on this Web site
CONCLUSION
In this brief essay, it is not possible to review all of the studies on pornography's effects. But the studies and other evidence set forth here still should be sufficient to give the reader a sense of the field, and thus answer for himself or herself the question of pornography's potential to change or influence sexual attitudes and behavior.
In my clinical practice, I have treated both children and adults who have been unequivocally and repeatedly injured by exposure to pornography. If anyone still has doubts about pornography's effects, I would suggest that he or she get invited to some meetings of "Sexaholics Anonymous" and personally witness the pain and trauma first hand.
In a society where some types of pornographic material are protected by the Constitution and obscenity laws go unenforced, some individuals may choose to immerse themselves in pornography. These individuals should be made aware of the health hazards involved. This kind of knowledge is most important for parents, since most sexual and pornographic addictions begin in middle childhood or adolescence, most of the time without the parents' awareness or the children have an insufficient understanding of the risks involved.
Copyright © 2001-2007, Morality in Media, Inc. All Rights reserved
Friday, March 21, 2008
What others say : Post 4 : Is social networking a waste of time? by : Bernhard Warner
GI's preface : Great thought-provoking article!
STAY CONNECTED INSIDE, i.e. with yourself, whatever may happen/not happen outside!
jai ho!
---------------
Reproduced from the following link :
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article3536749.ece
_______________
From Times Online
March 12, 2008
Is social networking a waste of time?
Bernhard Warner
---------------
There has been much fuss of late over the loss of productivity brought on by employees multi-tasking between actual work and social networking. One estimate puts the cost to British industry at £6.5 billion per annum in lost productivity and questionable bandwidth usage. Another survey estimates that Britain’s social media fanatics are spending as much as 12 hours per week on these sites, no doubt eating into valuable work time.
But what is the impact of this collective Facebook / MySpace / Bebo addiction on high school and university students, our bright future? A new survey this week by IT specialists Global Secure Systems, (the ones who took a look at the impact on businesses and arrived at the £6.5 billion figure), says students are also guilty of sneaking in a fair bit of social networking during the school day.
In their survey of 500 English school children between the ages of 13 and 17, 51 per cent confess to checking their social network profiles during lessons. Over a quarter admit their in-school daily social network fix exceeds over 30 minutes each day.
If this sounds surprising, you haven’t been to school lately. Laptop-toting school kids are the norm these days, as are Wifi-enabled campuses. And when the laptop is in the locker, there are net-enabled smart phones at the ready. Add to the equation the rocket-fast texting ability of your typical 16-year-old and you get an explosion of social networking opportunities at the most unlikely points in the school day.
Related Internet Links
Comment archive:
Bernhard Warner
Related Links
Hey, Facebook, just let go of me
No educator would knowingly allow such a distraction in their classroom, and yet it appears to be happening right under their noses. It’s hard enough getting the PlayStation generation to focus for even a half-hour on a lecture of, say, King John and the Magna Carta. Try competing with the latest lunchroom gossip being broadcasted to mobiles, Facebook and Twitter. The significance of establishing modern-day democracy pales in comparison.
Before you shake your head and mutter something starting with the phrase “In my day…”, admit it – how many of you have shirked off work on an important business project to tend to a personal email, text or, these days, a Facebook query? How many of you have done it today? How many of you are doing it now?
We adults might regard tidying up our profile, sending messages to friends or contacts, joining the odd (or oddball) group or participating in a movie knowledge quiz to be a harmless distraction, the kind of thing that keeps us sane during the workday. (While writing this column, I have been twice drawn to my Facebook profile to attend to small matters, but that’s it. No more for me today. Okay, maybe after lunch.) But teens are deadly serious about social networks. For them, failing to attend to these duties could end friendships, sink reputations and mean missed opportunities to climb the fickle and precarious social ladder of young adulthood. I say we ought to go easy on them if they are neglecting some of their responsibilities while they fuss around with their online persona.
As a university lecturer at John Cabot University in Rome I encourage my students, all in their early twenties, to embrace social media and every other Web 2.0 application out there. Yes, posting photos of you and your semi-clad friends boozing it up late at night could sink your chances with a prospective employer, who will no doubt be snooping around for this very type of incriminating evidence. But the good far outweighs the bad. I encourage the students to be creative, to promote our online student newspaper, which just over a year from launch is pulling in steadily rising traffic. No doubt all the blog, Facebook and MySpace mentions are helping. I’ve had students who use social networking sites to build and promote projects on fighting poverty and eradicating hunger, organising music gigs, art and photo exhibitions, plus coordinating meet-ups for political rallies.
I admire the growing number of young students who dedicate hours to designing complicated widgets and applications too. Yes, they’re probably neglecting their history paper to complete it, but the end product is a far more valuable lesson learned in creativity, courage and computer coding. When I look at all the creativity, the collaboration and the activism being generated in these networks, I am hopeful for the future. Perhaps it is we educators who need to learn how to harness this power into our everyday classroom lessons.
---
Bernhard Warner, a freelance journalist and media consultant, writes about technology, the internet and media industries. He can be reached at techscribe@gmail.com
STAY CONNECTED INSIDE, i.e. with yourself, whatever may happen/not happen outside!
jai ho!
---------------
Reproduced from the following link :
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article3536749.ece
_______________
From Times Online
March 12, 2008
Is social networking a waste of time?
Bernhard Warner
---------------
There has been much fuss of late over the loss of productivity brought on by employees multi-tasking between actual work and social networking. One estimate puts the cost to British industry at £6.5 billion per annum in lost productivity and questionable bandwidth usage. Another survey estimates that Britain’s social media fanatics are spending as much as 12 hours per week on these sites, no doubt eating into valuable work time.
But what is the impact of this collective Facebook / MySpace / Bebo addiction on high school and university students, our bright future? A new survey this week by IT specialists Global Secure Systems, (the ones who took a look at the impact on businesses and arrived at the £6.5 billion figure), says students are also guilty of sneaking in a fair bit of social networking during the school day.
In their survey of 500 English school children between the ages of 13 and 17, 51 per cent confess to checking their social network profiles during lessons. Over a quarter admit their in-school daily social network fix exceeds over 30 minutes each day.
If this sounds surprising, you haven’t been to school lately. Laptop-toting school kids are the norm these days, as are Wifi-enabled campuses. And when the laptop is in the locker, there are net-enabled smart phones at the ready. Add to the equation the rocket-fast texting ability of your typical 16-year-old and you get an explosion of social networking opportunities at the most unlikely points in the school day.
Related Internet Links
Comment archive:
Bernhard Warner
Related Links
Hey, Facebook, just let go of me
No educator would knowingly allow such a distraction in their classroom, and yet it appears to be happening right under their noses. It’s hard enough getting the PlayStation generation to focus for even a half-hour on a lecture of, say, King John and the Magna Carta. Try competing with the latest lunchroom gossip being broadcasted to mobiles, Facebook and Twitter. The significance of establishing modern-day democracy pales in comparison.
Before you shake your head and mutter something starting with the phrase “In my day…”, admit it – how many of you have shirked off work on an important business project to tend to a personal email, text or, these days, a Facebook query? How many of you have done it today? How many of you are doing it now?
We adults might regard tidying up our profile, sending messages to friends or contacts, joining the odd (or oddball) group or participating in a movie knowledge quiz to be a harmless distraction, the kind of thing that keeps us sane during the workday. (While writing this column, I have been twice drawn to my Facebook profile to attend to small matters, but that’s it. No more for me today. Okay, maybe after lunch.) But teens are deadly serious about social networks. For them, failing to attend to these duties could end friendships, sink reputations and mean missed opportunities to climb the fickle and precarious social ladder of young adulthood. I say we ought to go easy on them if they are neglecting some of their responsibilities while they fuss around with their online persona.
As a university lecturer at John Cabot University in Rome I encourage my students, all in their early twenties, to embrace social media and every other Web 2.0 application out there. Yes, posting photos of you and your semi-clad friends boozing it up late at night could sink your chances with a prospective employer, who will no doubt be snooping around for this very type of incriminating evidence. But the good far outweighs the bad. I encourage the students to be creative, to promote our online student newspaper, which just over a year from launch is pulling in steadily rising traffic. No doubt all the blog, Facebook and MySpace mentions are helping. I’ve had students who use social networking sites to build and promote projects on fighting poverty and eradicating hunger, organising music gigs, art and photo exhibitions, plus coordinating meet-ups for political rallies.
I admire the growing number of young students who dedicate hours to designing complicated widgets and applications too. Yes, they’re probably neglecting their history paper to complete it, but the end product is a far more valuable lesson learned in creativity, courage and computer coding. When I look at all the creativity, the collaboration and the activism being generated in these networks, I am hopeful for the future. Perhaps it is we educators who need to learn how to harness this power into our everyday classroom lessons.
---
Bernhard Warner, a freelance journalist and media consultant, writes about technology, the internet and media industries. He can be reached at techscribe@gmail.com
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
What others say : Post 3 : HOW NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST : Newscape article from THE HINDU, dt. 20.3.2008
GI's preface : Suddenly, the world seems to be going the maverick's way?! listening to him?! okay, there are others like him, in this world, that's the answer! So, Khudi ko bulund kar itna......et. al....enjoy the article !
bwr,
ganesh.
-------------------
Excerpted from THE HINDU, Chennai edition newspaper dated 20.3.2008 :
Link : http://www.hindu.com/2008/03/20/stories/2008032051422200.htm
-------------------
How nice guys finish first
Study disproves saying in games of prisoner’s dilemma
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Individuals escalating conflicts often end up losing
Cooperating with opponent pays off in the long run
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WASHINGTON: Screaming sports coaches and cut-throat tycoons have it wrong: nice guys do finish first, a new study suggests.
The Harvard University study involved 100 Boston-area college students playing the same game over and over — a punishment-heavy version of the classic one-on-one brinksmanship game of prisoner’s dilemma. The research appears in Thursday’s edition of the journal Nature.
Common game theory has held that punishment makes two equals cooperate. But when people compete in repeated games, punishment fails to deliver, said Martin Nowak, the author of the study.
He is director of the evolutionary dynamics laboratory at Harvard where the study was conducted.
“On the individual level, we find that those who use punishments are the losers,” Mr. Nowak said his experiments found. Those who escalate the conflict very often wound up doomed.
“It’s a very positive message,” said co-author David Rand, a Harvard biology graduate student researcher. “In general, the thing that is most, sort of, rational and best for your own self-interest is to be nice.”
The study looked at games between equals. Punishment does seem to have a place in games when one player is dominant and needs to enforce submission, Mr. Nowak said.
In the experiment, the students played more than 8,000 games of prisoner’s dilemma, using dimes to reward and punish. The normal game of prisoner’s dilemma gives two players two options: cooperate or defect.
If both cooperate, each ends up winning a dime. If both defect, each gets nothing. If one cooperates and the other defects, the cooperative player loses 20 cents and the defector wins 30 cents.
Mr. Nowak then added a “costly punishment” component. A player could choose to punish someone who did not cooperate. That penalised the non-cooperative person 40 cents, but the other player had to pay a dime to mete out the punishment.
When Mr. Nowak compared how much money people earned or lost in the long run, there was a noticeable correlation between punishment and overall money. The players who punished their opponents the least, or not at all, made the most money. Those who punished the most made the least money.
When faced with a nasty opponent, turning the other cheek and continuing to cooperate — or at least not handing out punishment — paid off more in the long run, the study found.
The paper makes sense and is interesting in its look at repeated interaction, said University of Central Florida Professor of Economics Elisabet Rutstrom, who works on game theory but was not part of the Harvard study.
Mr. Nowak said he next wants to study chief executives to see if the findings play out in the real world. — AP
----------------
SOBEIT/thathastu!
jai ho!
bwr,
ganesh.
-------------------
Excerpted from THE HINDU, Chennai edition newspaper dated 20.3.2008 :
Link : http://www.hindu.com/2008/03/20/stories/2008032051422200.htm
-------------------
How nice guys finish first
Study disproves saying in games of prisoner’s dilemma
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Individuals escalating conflicts often end up losing
Cooperating with opponent pays off in the long run
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WASHINGTON: Screaming sports coaches and cut-throat tycoons have it wrong: nice guys do finish first, a new study suggests.
The Harvard University study involved 100 Boston-area college students playing the same game over and over — a punishment-heavy version of the classic one-on-one brinksmanship game of prisoner’s dilemma. The research appears in Thursday’s edition of the journal Nature.
Common game theory has held that punishment makes two equals cooperate. But when people compete in repeated games, punishment fails to deliver, said Martin Nowak, the author of the study.
He is director of the evolutionary dynamics laboratory at Harvard where the study was conducted.
“On the individual level, we find that those who use punishments are the losers,” Mr. Nowak said his experiments found. Those who escalate the conflict very often wound up doomed.
“It’s a very positive message,” said co-author David Rand, a Harvard biology graduate student researcher. “In general, the thing that is most, sort of, rational and best for your own self-interest is to be nice.”
The study looked at games between equals. Punishment does seem to have a place in games when one player is dominant and needs to enforce submission, Mr. Nowak said.
In the experiment, the students played more than 8,000 games of prisoner’s dilemma, using dimes to reward and punish. The normal game of prisoner’s dilemma gives two players two options: cooperate or defect.
If both cooperate, each ends up winning a dime. If both defect, each gets nothing. If one cooperates and the other defects, the cooperative player loses 20 cents and the defector wins 30 cents.
Mr. Nowak then added a “costly punishment” component. A player could choose to punish someone who did not cooperate. That penalised the non-cooperative person 40 cents, but the other player had to pay a dime to mete out the punishment.
When Mr. Nowak compared how much money people earned or lost in the long run, there was a noticeable correlation between punishment and overall money. The players who punished their opponents the least, or not at all, made the most money. Those who punished the most made the least money.
When faced with a nasty opponent, turning the other cheek and continuing to cooperate — or at least not handing out punishment — paid off more in the long run, the study found.
The paper makes sense and is interesting in its look at repeated interaction, said University of Central Florida Professor of Economics Elisabet Rutstrom, who works on game theory but was not part of the Harvard study.
Mr. Nowak said he next wants to study chief executives to see if the findings play out in the real world. — AP
----------------
SOBEIT/thathastu!
jai ho!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
What others say : Post 2 : THE OTHER HALF : Sad Sunday, by Kalpana Sharma.
Article reproduced from THE HINDU NEWSPAPER, dated 9.3.2008 :
GI's preface :
A serious effort has to be made by our society to examine root causes raised in this thought-provoking article, objectively, and address them through awareness/voluntary change; there is need for team-work by citizens for common-causes; magar time kidhar hain?! sab ko apni padi hain, apni chinta; oh, where are those noble, statesmanlike souls who lived their entire lives for the common good? We need such people, otherwise this individualistic, get-ahead grind, will make sure that common problems will remain that only! all so common!
shall we make an effort in our neighbourhood, to atleast start discussing not necessarily the same issues, but pertinent issues facing all ?
all the best.
Shubchintan se bhara ek shubhchintak!
Link : of the article in THE HINDU newspaper :
http://www.hindu.com/mag/2008/03/09/stories/2008030950130300.htm
-----------------------
THE OTHER HALF
Sad Sunday
KALPANA SHARMA
With so many incidents of harassment and exploitation surfacing every day, can we really claim that the status of women is improving?
Photo: AP
Right to childhood: Child abuse will come in the way of girls’ education.
The euphoria over India’s achievements in the field of sports on Sunday, March 2 — the under-19 Cricket World Cup victory, the win over World Champions Australia in Sydney by the Indian Cricket Team, and the Indian hockey team defeating Austria in Santiago, Chile — was somewhat dimmed for me by three news items that appeared in Mumbai’s newspapers. One could argue that one should not get so perturbed at such news, that newspapers always report bad news and that often such news is exaggerated and sensationalised.
It would be comforting to believe this. Unfortunately, the real story is likely to be worse as these stories are probably indicative of many more such incidents that never get recorded.
The most upsetting was the report about a 12-year-old Nepali girl who had been tortured and sexually abused by her employers. The Superintendent of Police (Thane Rural), Naval Bajaj was quoted as saying, “The little girl’s condition is spine-chilling. She has scars from deep stab wounds all over her body and we cannot even think of the scars these incidents have left on her mind.” (Mumbai Mirror, March 2, 2008) The girl’s mother was a domestic help who trusted her employer when the latter took the little girl with her to Pune. Little did she suspect that her child would be the victim of this kind of torture.
Traumatised lives
On the same day, another story appeared in the newspapers about young schoolgirls in class III and IV, studying in an English medium primary school outside Mumbai, being sexually molested by their school principal. He would call them for extra tuitions on a Saturday and instead of teaching them, he would molest them and threaten that if they told anyone, he would ensure that they failed in their exams. Three of the girls finally broke down and told their parents. As a result, the parents lodged a complaint with the local police and the man has been arrested. The law will now take its own course. But in the meantime, these young girls are traumatised and their parents are beginning to wonder whether it is safe for anyone to send their daughters to school.
Last month, another story from an educational institution in Gujarat raised similar questions. In that instance, in the town of Patan in north Gujarat, an 18-year-old Dalit girl training to be a primary school teacher revealed that she had been gang-raped on numerous occasions by six male teachers for six months. They threatened to fail her if she reported these incidents. The Patan issue has now become a political hot potato with students of the teachers’ training institute demanding a judicial inquiry.
The third is the story of the wife of a jeweller in Mumbai who has been thrown out of her house with a 20-month old baby and a two-year-old because she failed to produce a son. After the first daughter, she was forced to undergo two abortions because they found out the sex of the unborn child. The third time, she carried the child to term only to realise that it was another girl. Her husband and his family have thrown her out of her house. They were even willing to commit her to a mental institution. The woman turned to the police for help. Hence the story has been told.
Three different stories but one common thread — the vulnerability of girls and women inside and outside their homes. The first story of the 12-year-old is especially heart-rending because it emphasises the absence of any protection for young girls who are forced into domestic work. Women who work in homes often take their young children along with them. While the boys are sent to school, the girls are made to help the mother in the domestic chores. In time, the minor who should not be working at all becomes a part of the household. Some employers are kind and virtually adopt such children making sure they are looked after. Some even pay for them to go to school. But there are those like the employer of the 12-year-old who exploit and torture them. Nine times out of ten, silence surrounds such atrocities; no one knows, no one complains. And lives are permanently destroyed.
A set back
The incident at the English medium primary school outside Mumbai is also troubling at a time when concerted efforts to educate girls are beginning to pay dividends. At least up to the primary level, there is a noticeable increase in the number of girls who enrol in schools. You can see these girls excitedly running towards their schools in the morning. The quality of their education might be indifferent. But at least the first step has been taken.
If incidents of this kind of sexual molestation circulate, the entire effort to increase girls’ education could be set back. Parents would prefer to protect their daughters by keeping them at home rather than risk sending them to such schools. Or they might make same sex schools with same sex teachers a precondition. Of course, none of this can guarantee that their daughters will be “safe”.
The story about the woman being thrown out for producing a girl child does not shock anymore because so many such incidents are reported. We have to despair when we think about the issue of son preference in the context of women’s status in India. All the hype about a handful of successful women cannot detract from this shameful reality — that girls are simply not wanted. How can we break the stranglehold of this mentality that denies women the right even to exist? As long as this attitude dominates, can we really claim that women’s status in this country is improving? A day after International Women’s Day, celebrated these days more by companies selling consumer goods than by women, we must pause and reflect.
Email the writer: sharma.kalpana@yahoo.com
GI's preface :
A serious effort has to be made by our society to examine root causes raised in this thought-provoking article, objectively, and address them through awareness/voluntary change; there is need for team-work by citizens for common-causes; magar time kidhar hain?! sab ko apni padi hain, apni chinta; oh, where are those noble, statesmanlike souls who lived their entire lives for the common good? We need such people, otherwise this individualistic, get-ahead grind, will make sure that common problems will remain that only! all so common!
shall we make an effort in our neighbourhood, to atleast start discussing not necessarily the same issues, but pertinent issues facing all ?
all the best.
Shubchintan se bhara ek shubhchintak!
Link : of the article in THE HINDU newspaper :
http://www.hindu.com/mag/2008/03/09/stories/2008030950130300.htm
-----------------------
THE OTHER HALF
Sad Sunday
KALPANA SHARMA
With so many incidents of harassment and exploitation surfacing every day, can we really claim that the status of women is improving?
Photo: AP
Right to childhood: Child abuse will come in the way of girls’ education.
The euphoria over India’s achievements in the field of sports on Sunday, March 2 — the under-19 Cricket World Cup victory, the win over World Champions Australia in Sydney by the Indian Cricket Team, and the Indian hockey team defeating Austria in Santiago, Chile — was somewhat dimmed for me by three news items that appeared in Mumbai’s newspapers. One could argue that one should not get so perturbed at such news, that newspapers always report bad news and that often such news is exaggerated and sensationalised.
It would be comforting to believe this. Unfortunately, the real story is likely to be worse as these stories are probably indicative of many more such incidents that never get recorded.
The most upsetting was the report about a 12-year-old Nepali girl who had been tortured and sexually abused by her employers. The Superintendent of Police (Thane Rural), Naval Bajaj was quoted as saying, “The little girl’s condition is spine-chilling. She has scars from deep stab wounds all over her body and we cannot even think of the scars these incidents have left on her mind.” (Mumbai Mirror, March 2, 2008) The girl’s mother was a domestic help who trusted her employer when the latter took the little girl with her to Pune. Little did she suspect that her child would be the victim of this kind of torture.
Traumatised lives
On the same day, another story appeared in the newspapers about young schoolgirls in class III and IV, studying in an English medium primary school outside Mumbai, being sexually molested by their school principal. He would call them for extra tuitions on a Saturday and instead of teaching them, he would molest them and threaten that if they told anyone, he would ensure that they failed in their exams. Three of the girls finally broke down and told their parents. As a result, the parents lodged a complaint with the local police and the man has been arrested. The law will now take its own course. But in the meantime, these young girls are traumatised and their parents are beginning to wonder whether it is safe for anyone to send their daughters to school.
Last month, another story from an educational institution in Gujarat raised similar questions. In that instance, in the town of Patan in north Gujarat, an 18-year-old Dalit girl training to be a primary school teacher revealed that she had been gang-raped on numerous occasions by six male teachers for six months. They threatened to fail her if she reported these incidents. The Patan issue has now become a political hot potato with students of the teachers’ training institute demanding a judicial inquiry.
The third is the story of the wife of a jeweller in Mumbai who has been thrown out of her house with a 20-month old baby and a two-year-old because she failed to produce a son. After the first daughter, she was forced to undergo two abortions because they found out the sex of the unborn child. The third time, she carried the child to term only to realise that it was another girl. Her husband and his family have thrown her out of her house. They were even willing to commit her to a mental institution. The woman turned to the police for help. Hence the story has been told.
Three different stories but one common thread — the vulnerability of girls and women inside and outside their homes. The first story of the 12-year-old is especially heart-rending because it emphasises the absence of any protection for young girls who are forced into domestic work. Women who work in homes often take their young children along with them. While the boys are sent to school, the girls are made to help the mother in the domestic chores. In time, the minor who should not be working at all becomes a part of the household. Some employers are kind and virtually adopt such children making sure they are looked after. Some even pay for them to go to school. But there are those like the employer of the 12-year-old who exploit and torture them. Nine times out of ten, silence surrounds such atrocities; no one knows, no one complains. And lives are permanently destroyed.
A set back
The incident at the English medium primary school outside Mumbai is also troubling at a time when concerted efforts to educate girls are beginning to pay dividends. At least up to the primary level, there is a noticeable increase in the number of girls who enrol in schools. You can see these girls excitedly running towards their schools in the morning. The quality of their education might be indifferent. But at least the first step has been taken.
If incidents of this kind of sexual molestation circulate, the entire effort to increase girls’ education could be set back. Parents would prefer to protect their daughters by keeping them at home rather than risk sending them to such schools. Or they might make same sex schools with same sex teachers a precondition. Of course, none of this can guarantee that their daughters will be “safe”.
The story about the woman being thrown out for producing a girl child does not shock anymore because so many such incidents are reported. We have to despair when we think about the issue of son preference in the context of women’s status in India. All the hype about a handful of successful women cannot detract from this shameful reality — that girls are simply not wanted. How can we break the stranglehold of this mentality that denies women the right even to exist? As long as this attitude dominates, can we really claim that women’s status in this country is improving? A day after International Women’s Day, celebrated these days more by companies selling consumer goods than by women, we must pause and reflect.
Email the writer: sharma.kalpana@yahoo.com
Sunday, March 2, 2008
What others say?! (since me taking a break from writing) Post 1:The sex trap :Why Women Should Never Say Yes Before Marriage, by: DANIELLE CRITTENDEN
Reproduced, without editing, from the website link :
http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0014.html
IN ALL GOOD FAITH, AND WITH THE INTENTION OF SHARING A VERY WELL-WRITTEN, CANDID BUT BRILLIANT ANALYSIS. (note : it can be equally applied to men, me thinks, what say you?! enjoy the fantastically, well-written, even if sometimes 'punch-in-the-you-know-where' effect, all in all a real feel-good, TRUTH WILL OUT/CLEANSE, kinda article. jai ho! ganesh/maverick-shamaan. et. al.!)
--------------------------
The Sex Trap: Why Women Should Never Say Yes Before Marriage DANIELLE CRITTENDEN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the promises made to us about our ability to achieve freedom and independence as women, the promises of sexual emancipation may have been the most illusory. In denying the essential differences between the sexes, we have abandoned the customs that used to protect and civilize both sexes, that constrained men and women but also obliged them to live up to their best natures. We might now be more free. But we enjoy less happiness, less fulfillment, less dignity, and, of all things, less romance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle Crittenden
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In retrospect, it's almost charming the way our teachers attempted to teach us about sex. Other generations may have been left to grapple with this most intimate of topics in the dark, but mine, beginning in the early 1970s, would be the first to be educated openly on the subject in junior high school classrooms in the full light of day. At my high school, the task fell to a gym teacher, who was also the football coach. He was not, even at the best of times, an articulate man.
This wasn't usually a problem: Most of what he needed to say could be grunted or shouted at a field of adolescents, ordering them to tackle, kick, or run around until they threw up. Unfortunately, for him, he found himself — like everyone else in the 1970s — at the forefront of sexual enlightenment. Believing that such critical knowledge as birth control and the functions of our sex organs could not be trusted to our stammering and embarrassed parents, education officials passed the duty along to this stammering and embarrassed gym teacher. Why it had to be the gym teacher, I'm not sure — perhaps because those same officials hoped to keep the topic safely within the realm of the athletic and away from the romantic. That's also probably the reason why they entitled the sex curriculum “Health” or some similar euphemism (as opposed to “Fellatio 101”), and our textbook spoke about “intercourse” completely matter-of-factly, as if it were no more fraught or controversial than the digestive system.
Of course it was — and is. The gym teacher knew it, and we knew it, I remember him vividly, standing at the front of the classroom in his red Adidas track suit, grimly tapping a pointer at a full-colour diagram of an enormous, bisected vagina. “So, uh, girls have ovaries, right? [tap,tap] And in their ovaries they have, um, ovums, which are tiny eggs. They travel along here [pointer follows strands of red ribbon to something that looks like a cross-section of a bloodied pear] and, uh, sort of nest in here after they've been, um, fertilized by the sperm.” The teacher would attempt to deliver these lectures like a Soviet minister addressing the United Nations — monotonously, without a flicker of emotion
Having sex, though, was obviously not like doing gym class or algebra. By approaching it as coldly as any other subject, the curriculum managed to strip away all of its ethical context . So while we learned to rattle off the most effective forms of contraception as expertly as any prostitute, we never discussed under what circumstances we should consider sex right or wrong. We were certainly not taught as girls, that our ability to conceive imposed any special, or extra, responsibility upon us to practise more restraint than boys. From the curriculum's view-point men and women — if different in basic plumbing — shared essentially the same sexual desires and were entitled to pursue them and express them in similar ways. The prevailing wisdom then, as it is now, was that for too long, children — particularly girls — had been kept ignorant of their bodies and taught to be ashamed of their sexual desire. If left to our allegedly prudish and/or ignorant parents, we might have been told not to have sex until we were older — or, more unrealistically, until we were married. But an enlightened education system was one that understood the “reality” of teenage sexual behaviour and tried to accommodate it rather than change it. They had not yet begun to hand out condoms or instruct students in how to unroll them over bananas, but the assumptions that led to these advances were all in place.
As my friends and I grew into young women, our sexual experience may have varied, but our attitude toward sex did not. You had sex with someone or you didn't. You regretted it or you enjoyed it. You wanted to see him again or you never wanted to see him again. You sometimes used a man or felt used by him. But unless you were unusually religious, you did not think about sex as a privilege of marriage, or even of an especially devoted relationship. If you were attracted to a man and he was attracted to you, you expected to have sex with him as naturally as you expected a grey sky to rain or spring to follow winter: the only questions were when and how. Carelessly, thoughtlessly, casually, sex, in the short space of a single generation, went from being the culminating act of committed love to being a pre-condition, a tryout, for future emotional involvement. If any.
Today, few would still advocate the heady, unbridled, anything-goes approach to sex that prevailed in the `70s. The right to sleep with as many men as a woman pleases turns out to be a rather hollow freedom — at least, if a woman seeks more than a series of groping, bodily encounters with men with whom she shares little but compatible sex organs. Anatole France bitterly remarked, “The law, in its majestic impartiality, forbids both rich and poor to sleep under bridges.” The woman who comes of age today quickly discovers that she enjoys a similar guarantee of sexual “equality”: the right to make love to a man and never see him again; the right to be insulted and demeaned if she refuses a man's advances; the right to catch a sexually transmitted disease that might, as a bonus, leave her infertile; the right to an abortion when things go wrong, or, as it may be, the right to bear a child out of wedlock.
Indeed, in all the promises made to us about our ability to achieve freedom and independence as women, the promises of sexual emancipation may have been the most illusory. These days, certainly, it is the one most brutally learned, at an early age, when all the sexual bravado a girl may possess evaporates the first time a boy she truly cares for makes it clear that he has no further use for her after his own body has been satisfied. No amount of feminist posturing, no amount of reassurances that she doesn't need a guy like that anyway, can protect her from the pain and humiliation of those awful moments after he's gone, when she's alone and feeling not sexually empowered but discarded. It doesn't take most women long to figure out that sexual liberty is not the same thing as sexual equality.
There's a crude Yiddish expression that sums up the ancient sexual bargain between men and women: “No chuppy, no schtuppy.” It means, literally, “No marriage, no sex.” There's that other cliche, too, muttered by disapproving mothers for generations: “Why buy the cow when they're giving away the milk for free?” We may smirk at its primness, but as women, even as liberated, sexually uninhibited women, we still know exactly what it means. Men and women, by the very nature of their biology, have different, and often opposing, sexual agendas. Eventually, most women want children and, with them, a committed husband and father. Yet so long as there is no readily understood and accepted way for women to say no to men they like and they hope to see again, women lose their power to demand commitment from men. Our grandmothers might have led more sheltered sex lives, but they also controlled what amounted to a sexual cartel: setting a high price for sexual involvement and punishing both men and women if they broke the agreement (either by forcing them into marriage or by ostracizing them from respectable company). Sexual rules create sexual solidarity among women. If men feel that they can flit from woman to woman, they will. They will enjoy our ready availability and exploit it to their advantage. But if women as a group cease to be readily available — if they begin to demand commitment (and real commitment, as in marriage) in exchange for sex-market conditions will shift in favour of women.
This is, to put it mildly, an unfashionable idea. To modern women, particularly young modern women, the loss of sexual freedom may not seem worth it. And it would fly in the face of our sense of fairness — if men are not constrained, why should we be? Today, a woman's right to pursue sexual pleasure is regarded with the same sanctity as her right to free speech. An unhappy single woman may attempt to improve her life by giving up such things as chocolate, fatty foods, and men who treat her badly, but she would never think of surrendering her sexual liberty. That heady, impassioned moment when a woman allows herself to give in to her desires — when she chooses to sleep with a man — is as essential to her identity as a modern women as putting on a suit and going out to work. Her sexual freedom is the expression — indeed the embodiment — of her independence. And in expressing it willfully, selfishly, and upon a whim, she can feel fully the sexual equal of a man. Even the most politically conservative young women I know — women who say they oppose abortion and yearn to marry and have families — would never disavow their right to sleep with whomsoever they please.
A friend of mine, a very pretty woman in her early 20s, was at one point dating three men simultaneously, two of whom wanted to marry her. She said she and her friends chuckle at the articles that occasionally appear in the lifestyle sections of newspapers that suggest there is a shortage of marriageable men. How could there be a shortage, when every woman she knew was beating them off? But then she also acknowledged that these articles were usually written by women older than herself, who had been preoccupied with establishing themselves in their careers, who had felt strongly that they were “too young” to get married at her age, only to realize belatedly that very few 35-year-old women have the sexual power over men that they had at 25. And then my friend admitted that when she and her friends were not beating away their suitors they were compulsively discussing, what they were going to do with their lives. If they were too young to get married now, then when? And whom would they marry?
Their uncertainty about what it was, exactly, that they wanted to do pushed them into the quasi-serious but ultimately unsatisfying “relationships” that define (or, rather, in their ambiguity, fail to define) modern single life. These young women “dated” — meaning they went out to dinner with a number of men and got “involved with” — meaning, they slept with a number of others, their “involvements” lasting three, maybe six, maybe eight months before fizzling out. Sometimes, an infatuated couple would audition for marriage by deciding to live together. The exciting day of renting the U-Haul would arrive, and the two would merge the collected belongings of their single lives: his stereo and her sofa, his television and her frilly bedskirt, his coffee table and her potted palm. They made their first exhilarating trips to Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel, choosing wineglasses and colourful plates with which to entertain their friends in their new life as Committed Couple. But the game of playing house together when it did not lead to marriage (as it usually doesn't) led them to experience all the disadvantages of monogamy with few of its benefits. Sex lost its initial passion and novelty. They would find themselves engaged in petty arguments over who would tidy up and cook. And at the same time, they lacked the emotional glue that binds people who have, simply through the act of marrying, announced their intention to form a family and stick it out. Instead, they came to occupy the position of the old married couple in their social circle, while their friends continued to live romantic, adventurous, single lives — or so it suddenly appeared to them. And because they had signed a lease on an apartment that neither could afford alone, they'd ensnared themselves. They continued together long past the time they would have had they never moved in with each other in the first place — sometimes as much as a year or two longer. And then they were overwhelmed by the bitter sense of wasted time.
So women find themselves in a bewildering position: They want the benefits of the old sexual deal (marriage and family), but they are unwilling to accept the sexual restraint that brought the old deal into existence. Instead, a young woman thinks that things will somehow simply fall together — that when she chooses to retire from the nightlife and settle down, there will be an ample selection of decent, solicitous men eagerly waiting to marry her. And then she may well grow angry at the behaviour of the men she meets — men who like receiving their benefits from the new sexual deal (that is, sex) without having to pay the old price of commitment
Which way will we have it? To be treated, sexually, exactly the same as men or differently from them? That most women will reply “neither” or “somewhere in between” won't solve the problem. This is especially true for young women trying to navigate their way through to marriage. The rules controlling sexual behaviour used to be most rigorously applied to girls under the age of 21 because adults feared the volatile combination of raging hormones and emotional immaturity. If most girls did not attend debutante balls, they were subject to other elaborate rituals — chaperoned parties and dances, dates with boys scrutinized and approved by their parents, and the rather ruthless, hasty fashion with which they married after that. Almost all the adults in a young woman's life conspired, whether she liked it or not, to protect her from predatory male sexual advances and romantic recklessness. Today, in our eagerness to abandon this constrained existence, we've made it almost impossible for teenagers to avoid having sex before the age of 18. The ideal of sexual freedom is now so zealously adhered to that aside from the sexual instruction high school teenagers receive, many universities no longer maintain separate dormitories and bathrooms for men and women. If young men and women are going to bathe together, eat together, and study together, we can fully expect that they will sleep together. And of course, they do find suitable husbands (or to get their M.R.S., as the joke went). Young women arrive on campus today as much expecting to explore their sexual independence as furthering their knowledge of history and literature.
All of this might be cause for celebration — evidence of our modern sexual enlightenment — if sexual liberation had turned out the way it was supposed to, with men and women sleeping together as often as they wish, serenely and without consequence. But its failure, in fact, is perfectly demonstrated in these academic petri dishes, where sexual egalitarianism has been taken to its natural extreme and feminist reaction against men is at its most vehement and hysterical. On campuses across the country, scores of female students join in the annual “Take Back the Night March” to protest the alleged pervasiveness of male sexual violence. It's now customary at these demonstrations for women to stand before microphones and intimately describe not only egregious acts of male brutality to which they've fallen victim but more often the details of their everyday sexual embarrassments and humiliations: the time a man interpreted a miniskirt and flirtatious manner as a come-on; the regret one felt for having drunken sex with a frat boy. In the telling, these incidents are given the same moral weight as rape. A woman is not expected to accept responsibility for actions on her part that may have misled or confused the man; the man is always at fault for viewing the woman as an object of lust, no matter how provocative her manner or dress. In the new feminist understanding of male sexuality, a man must be punished for merely his hope of having sex with a woman. As for women, a friend of mine likes to joke, they no longer demand the right to free sex but to good sex: A fling that a woman finds pleasurable, no matter how casual, is not considered date rape. But the woman who wakes up the next morning feeling a little tawdry, wondering what it was that possessed her to have sex with him, may decide it wasn't her fault after all; somehow she must have been bullied into it, and thus raped.
Quite naturally, some young women have stepped forward to protest this chilling view of sex; like the writers Katie Roiphe and Kate Fillion, Karen Lehrman, and Rene Denfield. They compare the new feminists to prudish Victorians who regard women as frail flowers, helpless in the clutches of amorous men. “We're not victims!” they declare. And so they're not — at least not of what they think. For it's one thing to insist that women are perfectly capable of saying yes or no to sex and that they should be held just as responsible for their actions as men (bravo). Its another to pretend, as these women do, that women face no innate disadvantages in a world of sexual licence. At least the radical feminists, in their crazed way, understand that female sexual freedom flourishes only if male sexual freedom is severely curbed. If women are going to have the “right” to dress and behave as they please, the “right” to be “sluts,” then we shall have to crack down on the inevitable male reaction. For men have not, over the past two decades, suddenly become more beastly, savage creatures as the hysterics would have us believe. Rather, they are responding to our behaviour in a wholly predictable way. The woman who puts on a short skirt, teases her hair, gets tipsy, and with every gesture signals her sexual availability, should not be surprised at the end of the evening that the man does, in fact, expect sex. Nor should she be surprised when, after lustily falling into bed with a man before she's even certain of his last name, he seems startled that she expects more of him than a one-night stand. What should surprise her is that there is no longer any social disapproval of their behaviour. The feminists who prowl college campuses detecting harassment in a football player's wink may be unwilling to acknowledge female sexual responsibility, as their critics say; but they are also reacting to the consequences of a liberty that did not work out for women as its apostles hoped.
Still, to question whether the sexual revolution actually improved women's lives or harmed them seems a pointlessly old-fashioned exercise, such as debating whether starving or feeding is best for treating colds. In reconsidering all the ways in which women's lives and attitudes have changed in a generation, very few critics would be willing to say that women's sexual liberation has been an altogether bad thing. And how could they? As a female friend and I walked from the movie theatre one evening after watching Emma, I wondered if we — or any women like us — would seriously be willing to don the late-20th-century equivalent of a corset and restrain our sex lives in order to promote marriage and monogamy. It would seem absurd to tell women — who are working as corporate executives, flying fighter planes, seeking graduate degrees — that they should have to wait for marriage to have sex; it would be akin to treating them like those young Second World War GI's, who were seen as old enough to die for their country but not to take a sip of whisky. And it would seem especially absurd to abstain if a woman is not even planning to get married until she is in her late 20s or early 30s. She may well wonder, “Why bother?”
But there is good reason to bother. If women do, by and large, wish to reunite sex with love, to regain male commitment, and to restore trust and civility between men and women — the most appealing aspects of traditional morality — then we are going to have to be prepared to put up with some of its restrictions, too. Instead of embracing the “slut within us” as Naomi Wolf advises in her book Promiscuities, we should reject her, just as we should reject men who use women and escape social — if not legal! — consequences for their sexual behaviour.
Of course, we may wish to continue to do as we do now and pretend that sexual differences do not exist, that women are every bit as sexually free and nonchalant as men. But if we do wish to carry on with this pretense, then we should not express astonishment or resentment when men behave more badly than they used to or show less inclination to stay with us, or that sex generally feels more meaningless. After all, when something becomes widely and cheaply available, its value usually goes down, too. Acknowledging sexual difference, however, does not require us to accept the hostile, invidious feminist view either — that men are innately violent and lustful while women are always blameless. It does not require us to see ourselves as victims, as weaker than, or inferior to, men. The new understanding of sexual differences might simply be found in the old understanding if we were willing to restore it and polish it up a bit.
That understanding recognized the unique and often mysterious traits we instinctively think of as being masculine and feminine, traits that have persisted despite all the ideological sandblasting of the past three decades. They are too subtle and elusive to be inscribed in law. They confound both poets and social scientists. But they are differences that complement each other — that ignite passion and sexual attraction, give love its depth and emotional sustenance, and ultimately form women into mothers and wives and men into fathers and husbands. By denying these differences, we prolong the period when we are sexually vulnerable; we waste the opportunity of our most passionate and youthful years to find lasting love and everything that goes with it: home, children, stability, and the pleasure of sex as an expression of profound, romantic, and monogamous love. We have traded all this away for an illusion of sexual power and, in doing so, have abandoned the customs that used to protect and civilize both sexes, that constrained men and women but also obliged them to live up to their best natures. We might now be more free. But we enjoy less happiness, less fulfillment, less dignity, and, of all things, less romance.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
Crittenden, Danielle. “The Sex Trap: Why Women Should Never Say Yes Before Marriage,” National Post, (Canada) 8 January, 1999.
Reprinted with permission of the National Post.
THE AUTHOR
Danielle Crittenden's numerous articles and essays have appeard in The Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the Washington Post, National Review, the Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, and Reader's Digest. A former columnist for The New York Post, she is a frequent commentator on women's issues for national television and radio. Crittendon is married to journalist and author David Frum. She is the author of amandabright@home and What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes The Modern Woman.
Copyright © 1999 National Post
http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0014.html
IN ALL GOOD FAITH, AND WITH THE INTENTION OF SHARING A VERY WELL-WRITTEN, CANDID BUT BRILLIANT ANALYSIS. (note : it can be equally applied to men, me thinks, what say you?! enjoy the fantastically, well-written, even if sometimes 'punch-in-the-you-know-where' effect, all in all a real feel-good, TRUTH WILL OUT/CLEANSE, kinda article. jai ho! ganesh/maverick-shamaan. et. al.!)
--------------------------
The Sex Trap: Why Women Should Never Say Yes Before Marriage DANIELLE CRITTENDEN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the promises made to us about our ability to achieve freedom and independence as women, the promises of sexual emancipation may have been the most illusory. In denying the essential differences between the sexes, we have abandoned the customs that used to protect and civilize both sexes, that constrained men and women but also obliged them to live up to their best natures. We might now be more free. But we enjoy less happiness, less fulfillment, less dignity, and, of all things, less romance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle Crittenden
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In retrospect, it's almost charming the way our teachers attempted to teach us about sex. Other generations may have been left to grapple with this most intimate of topics in the dark, but mine, beginning in the early 1970s, would be the first to be educated openly on the subject in junior high school classrooms in the full light of day. At my high school, the task fell to a gym teacher, who was also the football coach. He was not, even at the best of times, an articulate man.
This wasn't usually a problem: Most of what he needed to say could be grunted or shouted at a field of adolescents, ordering them to tackle, kick, or run around until they threw up. Unfortunately, for him, he found himself — like everyone else in the 1970s — at the forefront of sexual enlightenment. Believing that such critical knowledge as birth control and the functions of our sex organs could not be trusted to our stammering and embarrassed parents, education officials passed the duty along to this stammering and embarrassed gym teacher. Why it had to be the gym teacher, I'm not sure — perhaps because those same officials hoped to keep the topic safely within the realm of the athletic and away from the romantic. That's also probably the reason why they entitled the sex curriculum “Health” or some similar euphemism (as opposed to “Fellatio 101”), and our textbook spoke about “intercourse” completely matter-of-factly, as if it were no more fraught or controversial than the digestive system.
Of course it was — and is. The gym teacher knew it, and we knew it, I remember him vividly, standing at the front of the classroom in his red Adidas track suit, grimly tapping a pointer at a full-colour diagram of an enormous, bisected vagina. “So, uh, girls have ovaries, right? [tap,tap] And in their ovaries they have, um, ovums, which are tiny eggs. They travel along here [pointer follows strands of red ribbon to something that looks like a cross-section of a bloodied pear] and, uh, sort of nest in here after they've been, um, fertilized by the sperm.” The teacher would attempt to deliver these lectures like a Soviet minister addressing the United Nations — monotonously, without a flicker of emotion
Having sex, though, was obviously not like doing gym class or algebra. By approaching it as coldly as any other subject, the curriculum managed to strip away all of its ethical context . So while we learned to rattle off the most effective forms of contraception as expertly as any prostitute, we never discussed under what circumstances we should consider sex right or wrong. We were certainly not taught as girls, that our ability to conceive imposed any special, or extra, responsibility upon us to practise more restraint than boys. From the curriculum's view-point men and women — if different in basic plumbing — shared essentially the same sexual desires and were entitled to pursue them and express them in similar ways. The prevailing wisdom then, as it is now, was that for too long, children — particularly girls — had been kept ignorant of their bodies and taught to be ashamed of their sexual desire. If left to our allegedly prudish and/or ignorant parents, we might have been told not to have sex until we were older — or, more unrealistically, until we were married. But an enlightened education system was one that understood the “reality” of teenage sexual behaviour and tried to accommodate it rather than change it. They had not yet begun to hand out condoms or instruct students in how to unroll them over bananas, but the assumptions that led to these advances were all in place.
As my friends and I grew into young women, our sexual experience may have varied, but our attitude toward sex did not. You had sex with someone or you didn't. You regretted it or you enjoyed it. You wanted to see him again or you never wanted to see him again. You sometimes used a man or felt used by him. But unless you were unusually religious, you did not think about sex as a privilege of marriage, or even of an especially devoted relationship. If you were attracted to a man and he was attracted to you, you expected to have sex with him as naturally as you expected a grey sky to rain or spring to follow winter: the only questions were when and how. Carelessly, thoughtlessly, casually, sex, in the short space of a single generation, went from being the culminating act of committed love to being a pre-condition, a tryout, for future emotional involvement. If any.
Today, few would still advocate the heady, unbridled, anything-goes approach to sex that prevailed in the `70s. The right to sleep with as many men as a woman pleases turns out to be a rather hollow freedom — at least, if a woman seeks more than a series of groping, bodily encounters with men with whom she shares little but compatible sex organs. Anatole France bitterly remarked, “The law, in its majestic impartiality, forbids both rich and poor to sleep under bridges.” The woman who comes of age today quickly discovers that she enjoys a similar guarantee of sexual “equality”: the right to make love to a man and never see him again; the right to be insulted and demeaned if she refuses a man's advances; the right to catch a sexually transmitted disease that might, as a bonus, leave her infertile; the right to an abortion when things go wrong, or, as it may be, the right to bear a child out of wedlock.
Indeed, in all the promises made to us about our ability to achieve freedom and independence as women, the promises of sexual emancipation may have been the most illusory. These days, certainly, it is the one most brutally learned, at an early age, when all the sexual bravado a girl may possess evaporates the first time a boy she truly cares for makes it clear that he has no further use for her after his own body has been satisfied. No amount of feminist posturing, no amount of reassurances that she doesn't need a guy like that anyway, can protect her from the pain and humiliation of those awful moments after he's gone, when she's alone and feeling not sexually empowered but discarded. It doesn't take most women long to figure out that sexual liberty is not the same thing as sexual equality.
There's a crude Yiddish expression that sums up the ancient sexual bargain between men and women: “No chuppy, no schtuppy.” It means, literally, “No marriage, no sex.” There's that other cliche, too, muttered by disapproving mothers for generations: “Why buy the cow when they're giving away the milk for free?” We may smirk at its primness, but as women, even as liberated, sexually uninhibited women, we still know exactly what it means. Men and women, by the very nature of their biology, have different, and often opposing, sexual agendas. Eventually, most women want children and, with them, a committed husband and father. Yet so long as there is no readily understood and accepted way for women to say no to men they like and they hope to see again, women lose their power to demand commitment from men. Our grandmothers might have led more sheltered sex lives, but they also controlled what amounted to a sexual cartel: setting a high price for sexual involvement and punishing both men and women if they broke the agreement (either by forcing them into marriage or by ostracizing them from respectable company). Sexual rules create sexual solidarity among women. If men feel that they can flit from woman to woman, they will. They will enjoy our ready availability and exploit it to their advantage. But if women as a group cease to be readily available — if they begin to demand commitment (and real commitment, as in marriage) in exchange for sex-market conditions will shift in favour of women.
This is, to put it mildly, an unfashionable idea. To modern women, particularly young modern women, the loss of sexual freedom may not seem worth it. And it would fly in the face of our sense of fairness — if men are not constrained, why should we be? Today, a woman's right to pursue sexual pleasure is regarded with the same sanctity as her right to free speech. An unhappy single woman may attempt to improve her life by giving up such things as chocolate, fatty foods, and men who treat her badly, but she would never think of surrendering her sexual liberty. That heady, impassioned moment when a woman allows herself to give in to her desires — when she chooses to sleep with a man — is as essential to her identity as a modern women as putting on a suit and going out to work. Her sexual freedom is the expression — indeed the embodiment — of her independence. And in expressing it willfully, selfishly, and upon a whim, she can feel fully the sexual equal of a man. Even the most politically conservative young women I know — women who say they oppose abortion and yearn to marry and have families — would never disavow their right to sleep with whomsoever they please.
A friend of mine, a very pretty woman in her early 20s, was at one point dating three men simultaneously, two of whom wanted to marry her. She said she and her friends chuckle at the articles that occasionally appear in the lifestyle sections of newspapers that suggest there is a shortage of marriageable men. How could there be a shortage, when every woman she knew was beating them off? But then she also acknowledged that these articles were usually written by women older than herself, who had been preoccupied with establishing themselves in their careers, who had felt strongly that they were “too young” to get married at her age, only to realize belatedly that very few 35-year-old women have the sexual power over men that they had at 25. And then my friend admitted that when she and her friends were not beating away their suitors they were compulsively discussing, what they were going to do with their lives. If they were too young to get married now, then when? And whom would they marry?
Their uncertainty about what it was, exactly, that they wanted to do pushed them into the quasi-serious but ultimately unsatisfying “relationships” that define (or, rather, in their ambiguity, fail to define) modern single life. These young women “dated” — meaning they went out to dinner with a number of men and got “involved with” — meaning, they slept with a number of others, their “involvements” lasting three, maybe six, maybe eight months before fizzling out. Sometimes, an infatuated couple would audition for marriage by deciding to live together. The exciting day of renting the U-Haul would arrive, and the two would merge the collected belongings of their single lives: his stereo and her sofa, his television and her frilly bedskirt, his coffee table and her potted palm. They made their first exhilarating trips to Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel, choosing wineglasses and colourful plates with which to entertain their friends in their new life as Committed Couple. But the game of playing house together when it did not lead to marriage (as it usually doesn't) led them to experience all the disadvantages of monogamy with few of its benefits. Sex lost its initial passion and novelty. They would find themselves engaged in petty arguments over who would tidy up and cook. And at the same time, they lacked the emotional glue that binds people who have, simply through the act of marrying, announced their intention to form a family and stick it out. Instead, they came to occupy the position of the old married couple in their social circle, while their friends continued to live romantic, adventurous, single lives — or so it suddenly appeared to them. And because they had signed a lease on an apartment that neither could afford alone, they'd ensnared themselves. They continued together long past the time they would have had they never moved in with each other in the first place — sometimes as much as a year or two longer. And then they were overwhelmed by the bitter sense of wasted time.
So women find themselves in a bewildering position: They want the benefits of the old sexual deal (marriage and family), but they are unwilling to accept the sexual restraint that brought the old deal into existence. Instead, a young woman thinks that things will somehow simply fall together — that when she chooses to retire from the nightlife and settle down, there will be an ample selection of decent, solicitous men eagerly waiting to marry her. And then she may well grow angry at the behaviour of the men she meets — men who like receiving their benefits from the new sexual deal (that is, sex) without having to pay the old price of commitment
Which way will we have it? To be treated, sexually, exactly the same as men or differently from them? That most women will reply “neither” or “somewhere in between” won't solve the problem. This is especially true for young women trying to navigate their way through to marriage. The rules controlling sexual behaviour used to be most rigorously applied to girls under the age of 21 because adults feared the volatile combination of raging hormones and emotional immaturity. If most girls did not attend debutante balls, they were subject to other elaborate rituals — chaperoned parties and dances, dates with boys scrutinized and approved by their parents, and the rather ruthless, hasty fashion with which they married after that. Almost all the adults in a young woman's life conspired, whether she liked it or not, to protect her from predatory male sexual advances and romantic recklessness. Today, in our eagerness to abandon this constrained existence, we've made it almost impossible for teenagers to avoid having sex before the age of 18. The ideal of sexual freedom is now so zealously adhered to that aside from the sexual instruction high school teenagers receive, many universities no longer maintain separate dormitories and bathrooms for men and women. If young men and women are going to bathe together, eat together, and study together, we can fully expect that they will sleep together. And of course, they do find suitable husbands (or to get their M.R.S., as the joke went). Young women arrive on campus today as much expecting to explore their sexual independence as furthering their knowledge of history and literature.
All of this might be cause for celebration — evidence of our modern sexual enlightenment — if sexual liberation had turned out the way it was supposed to, with men and women sleeping together as often as they wish, serenely and without consequence. But its failure, in fact, is perfectly demonstrated in these academic petri dishes, where sexual egalitarianism has been taken to its natural extreme and feminist reaction against men is at its most vehement and hysterical. On campuses across the country, scores of female students join in the annual “Take Back the Night March” to protest the alleged pervasiveness of male sexual violence. It's now customary at these demonstrations for women to stand before microphones and intimately describe not only egregious acts of male brutality to which they've fallen victim but more often the details of their everyday sexual embarrassments and humiliations: the time a man interpreted a miniskirt and flirtatious manner as a come-on; the regret one felt for having drunken sex with a frat boy. In the telling, these incidents are given the same moral weight as rape. A woman is not expected to accept responsibility for actions on her part that may have misled or confused the man; the man is always at fault for viewing the woman as an object of lust, no matter how provocative her manner or dress. In the new feminist understanding of male sexuality, a man must be punished for merely his hope of having sex with a woman. As for women, a friend of mine likes to joke, they no longer demand the right to free sex but to good sex: A fling that a woman finds pleasurable, no matter how casual, is not considered date rape. But the woman who wakes up the next morning feeling a little tawdry, wondering what it was that possessed her to have sex with him, may decide it wasn't her fault after all; somehow she must have been bullied into it, and thus raped.
Quite naturally, some young women have stepped forward to protest this chilling view of sex; like the writers Katie Roiphe and Kate Fillion, Karen Lehrman, and Rene Denfield. They compare the new feminists to prudish Victorians who regard women as frail flowers, helpless in the clutches of amorous men. “We're not victims!” they declare. And so they're not — at least not of what they think. For it's one thing to insist that women are perfectly capable of saying yes or no to sex and that they should be held just as responsible for their actions as men (bravo). Its another to pretend, as these women do, that women face no innate disadvantages in a world of sexual licence. At least the radical feminists, in their crazed way, understand that female sexual freedom flourishes only if male sexual freedom is severely curbed. If women are going to have the “right” to dress and behave as they please, the “right” to be “sluts,” then we shall have to crack down on the inevitable male reaction. For men have not, over the past two decades, suddenly become more beastly, savage creatures as the hysterics would have us believe. Rather, they are responding to our behaviour in a wholly predictable way. The woman who puts on a short skirt, teases her hair, gets tipsy, and with every gesture signals her sexual availability, should not be surprised at the end of the evening that the man does, in fact, expect sex. Nor should she be surprised when, after lustily falling into bed with a man before she's even certain of his last name, he seems startled that she expects more of him than a one-night stand. What should surprise her is that there is no longer any social disapproval of their behaviour. The feminists who prowl college campuses detecting harassment in a football player's wink may be unwilling to acknowledge female sexual responsibility, as their critics say; but they are also reacting to the consequences of a liberty that did not work out for women as its apostles hoped.
Still, to question whether the sexual revolution actually improved women's lives or harmed them seems a pointlessly old-fashioned exercise, such as debating whether starving or feeding is best for treating colds. In reconsidering all the ways in which women's lives and attitudes have changed in a generation, very few critics would be willing to say that women's sexual liberation has been an altogether bad thing. And how could they? As a female friend and I walked from the movie theatre one evening after watching Emma, I wondered if we — or any women like us — would seriously be willing to don the late-20th-century equivalent of a corset and restrain our sex lives in order to promote marriage and monogamy. It would seem absurd to tell women — who are working as corporate executives, flying fighter planes, seeking graduate degrees — that they should have to wait for marriage to have sex; it would be akin to treating them like those young Second World War GI's, who were seen as old enough to die for their country but not to take a sip of whisky. And it would seem especially absurd to abstain if a woman is not even planning to get married until she is in her late 20s or early 30s. She may well wonder, “Why bother?”
But there is good reason to bother. If women do, by and large, wish to reunite sex with love, to regain male commitment, and to restore trust and civility between men and women — the most appealing aspects of traditional morality — then we are going to have to be prepared to put up with some of its restrictions, too. Instead of embracing the “slut within us” as Naomi Wolf advises in her book Promiscuities, we should reject her, just as we should reject men who use women and escape social — if not legal! — consequences for their sexual behaviour.
Of course, we may wish to continue to do as we do now and pretend that sexual differences do not exist, that women are every bit as sexually free and nonchalant as men. But if we do wish to carry on with this pretense, then we should not express astonishment or resentment when men behave more badly than they used to or show less inclination to stay with us, or that sex generally feels more meaningless. After all, when something becomes widely and cheaply available, its value usually goes down, too. Acknowledging sexual difference, however, does not require us to accept the hostile, invidious feminist view either — that men are innately violent and lustful while women are always blameless. It does not require us to see ourselves as victims, as weaker than, or inferior to, men. The new understanding of sexual differences might simply be found in the old understanding if we were willing to restore it and polish it up a bit.
That understanding recognized the unique and often mysterious traits we instinctively think of as being masculine and feminine, traits that have persisted despite all the ideological sandblasting of the past three decades. They are too subtle and elusive to be inscribed in law. They confound both poets and social scientists. But they are differences that complement each other — that ignite passion and sexual attraction, give love its depth and emotional sustenance, and ultimately form women into mothers and wives and men into fathers and husbands. By denying these differences, we prolong the period when we are sexually vulnerable; we waste the opportunity of our most passionate and youthful years to find lasting love and everything that goes with it: home, children, stability, and the pleasure of sex as an expression of profound, romantic, and monogamous love. We have traded all this away for an illusion of sexual power and, in doing so, have abandoned the customs that used to protect and civilize both sexes, that constrained men and women but also obliged them to live up to their best natures. We might now be more free. But we enjoy less happiness, less fulfillment, less dignity, and, of all things, less romance.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
Crittenden, Danielle. “The Sex Trap: Why Women Should Never Say Yes Before Marriage,” National Post, (Canada) 8 January, 1999.
Reprinted with permission of the National Post.
THE AUTHOR
Danielle Crittenden's numerous articles and essays have appeard in The Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the Washington Post, National Review, the Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, and Reader's Digest. A former columnist for The New York Post, she is a frequent commentator on women's issues for national television and radio. Crittendon is married to journalist and author David Frum. She is the author of amandabright@home and What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes The Modern Woman.
Copyright © 1999 National Post
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)