WOS # 16 : Divorce hurts the children : By PANKAJ ADHIKARI

From the link :

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/opinion/2007-06/01/content_884955.htm

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GI's comment : Globalised misery, too?!! ponder over that, as the world goes about at break-neck speed after the fruits of globalisation/material wealth!
As the saying goes : OPERATION SUCCESSFUL, PATIENT DEAD! similarly : Individually prosperous but there is nobody home waiting for one/to be made happy or to make us happy! as an old tamil ditty would say : tulla de, tulla de, aatu kutti, enn kayil irrukaradu surakatthi! (rough translation : oh, little goat, don't jump too much, for your joy may be short-lived! the butcher is waiting with his big, sharp knife!).

So, what's the solution : Nidanam! Change is inevitable, no doubt, but you master it rather than being its puppet! decide when and what to change, just don't change your world or yourself, just because others are doing it!

Jai ho!
ganesh.
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Divorce hurts the children
(China Daily)
Updated: 2007-06-01 07:06


Divorce may have been traditionally discouraged in China, but over the past 20 years the rate has increased considerably.

According to a recent report by the Ministry of Civil Affairs, more than 1.9 million couples got divorced in China in 2006, an increase of 128,000 couples or 7 percent over the previous year. Between 1985 and 1995, the separation rate more than doubled; it had tripled by 2006.

Another statistic from the Shanghai Civil Affairs Bureau published in March this year indicated that the number of intercultural marriages in China had been rising steadily and 2,960 marriages involving Chinese nationals and foreigners had been registered in Shanghai in 2006, up 22.97 percent. The number of intercultural couples getting divorced also increased.

Why are divorce cases rising?

Women in today's China are becoming financially more independent and this perhaps is one of the causes for the increased divorce rate. Besides, as divorce procedures have been simplified and employers do not have to be notified or asked to provide recommendations on the suitability of an employee's marriage plans, Chinese can divorce more easily.

One study found that divorce makes the majority of adults involved happier than they were before and it makes women happier than men. Although distressing, a break-up can be a positive life change, with women better able to cope with all its stages than men, the study found. Another finding: While women are more likely to feel relieved, liberated and happy, men are more likely to feel devastated, and confused.

Whether a divorce can make a woman happier and bring much-needed relief to her is debatable. The end of a marriage is brutally painful to all involved. But for the children, it is not only traumatic but may contribute to a negative outcome in their lives.

Children often get caught up in conflicts between parents. The children are forced to constantly witness angry and abusive fights.

Daughters often follow the example set by their mothers when it comes to relations with men. Young women whose mothers were in a live-in relationship are more likely to opt for cohabitation themselves. Also, these daughters tend to enter into live-in relationships earlier than others. Each relationship transition for the mothers - including divorce, widowhood or new cohabitation - increases the likelihood of cohabitation for their daughters.

Divorce makes parenting more difficult. In the absence of another parent, concerns like going to parent-teacher meetings and school programs and playing with the child are neglected. These issues are serious because they can lead to psychological problems.

Most children of single parents feel lonely. They shy away from extracurricular activities and often do not get required medical attention as the parent is busy.

Parents have responsibilities for their children's psychological and emotional development. A child's development gets seriously affected when one or both parents abandon their responsibilities. By deciding to separate, the parents fail to keep their commitment to marital and family roles.

Following their parents' divorce, children show more anxiety, depression, anger and apathy in their play and in their interactions with both children and adults. At the same time, they may resist adult suggestions and commands. Some children become much more aggressive.

Spare a thought for your children before you decide to break up.

E-mail: pankaj@chinadaily.com.hk




(China Daily 06/01/2007 page10)